The loud apology

15 Nov 2016 Leave a comment

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I love a good apology. It makes me feel good to hear. I even feel good when I’m the one that’s apologizing –  and I’m always happy when I hear about others mending fences.

I grew up in a quiet house where there was no fighting. Just undercover seething and anger. My husband grew up in a loud house. With lots of raised voices and disagreements. Both not great. When we got married we vowed to be different, we weren’t really. We fought. He yelled, I seethed. And then one of us would apologize, we’d vow to never to do it again (silly) and we’d move on.

When we had kids we vowed again to be different – and we were….for a while. But the reality of life is that you will get mad. You’ll say things you don’t mean. You’ll be hurtful, or will get your feelings hurt. But now the kids are there. They’d hear all the anger, all the harsh things that each of us would say in the heat of the moment. And of course we’d apologize to each other eventually. We’d move on. But it would be done very differently than the fight. It would be done quietly. Softly. Usually out of earshot of the kids. I’m not sure that was the right thing to do.

Wouldn’t it have been great for our kids to hear us apologize as loudly as we fought?  I mean, they figured it out, they knew things were better but they didn’t see how they got better.

Channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw I ask this simple question…”Why aren’t we as loud with our apologies as we are with our fights”?

Although come to think of it – my kids are pretty quick to apologize. And they aren’t ax murderers yet, so maybe it wasn’t all bad.

Ok. Sorry. Nevermind.

I mean SORRY!!!!

 

 

My dog ate my posts?

07 Apr 2015 9 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Brave New World Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh. Hi. How are you? Anyone still out there? Did I lose both of you? Wondering where I was? What I was doing? Why I haven’t written? Who I am? Well…I’ll pretend you’re nodding and explain. Or better yet – I’ll give you a choice of explanations and you pick your fav.

  1. I’ve been super busy with my glamorous lifestyle and haven’t had a minute to stop to post all the sexy details.
  2. I’m so dedicated to my husband and my kids that my entire focus has been on them.
  3. Work has sucked me in and I barely have time to breathe let alone write a blog!
  4. I got locked out of my account on WordPress. Then I realized that a new password would be sent to my email that I started the blog with. Then I realized that I started the blog with an email from my old job. Then I realized that I no longer have access to that email. Then I called WordPress and they said I should start a new blog…and say sayonara to all my old posts. Then I cried and sat shiva for my blog, decided it was over and tried to go about my business. Then I thought I’d start a new blog with different topics, etc. Maybe this was my chance to grow and change! Then I realized I love my little blog and I had no interest in growing and changing. So I called WordPress back and spoke to a “tech”, which means I paid a fee to get my old blog back – which I wish was presented as an option to me during the first call. Then I wrote an email to WordPress telling them that their customer service was terrible and it caused me days of pain. Then they refunded my money and said they were sorry.
  5. I had to finish House of Cards season 3.

Only one of these is the reason – although I did finish season 3 of House of Cards (it’s Claire’s world, Frank is just living in it).

Anyway, crisis over. I’m back! I’ve missed you.

mo’ marriage mo’ problems

10 Aug 2013 7 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You know what people who are married for 17 years fight about?

No? It’s none of your business? Sure it is. I’ll tell you.

Yes, there’s the big stuff like money, kids, etc. All those things are stressful and cause all kinds of agita.  But here’s what can really drive a marriage off the rails.

Let me set the stage.

I’m not a garden gal. I’ve tried to grow vegetables and herbs (yes even basil) and had no luck. I’ve tried to keep flowering plants alive but ended up burying most of them. But this summer I fell in love with a big, beautiful hydrangea bush in our back yard. I’m pretty sure it’s been there since we moved in but I’ve been busy and hadn’t noticed.  For the last few weeks I’ve been watering it, weeding it, tending to it like crazy. And it’s been beautiful relationship. I love it and take care it and in return,  it gives me big, colorful blooms that I can use in the house.

Then, last week, I had to go into New York City for the day. When I came back I noticed all our shrubs had been trimmed and cleaned up. Four years ago my husband found this dude, Edgar, who comes in every week in the summer to do our lawn.  Edgar and his crew usually make quick work of things that we just can’t get to. Awesome right?

Wrong.

When I went to the back to water my lovely plant – this is what I found.

IMG_6181

It had been butchered. Chopped. Deflowered.

Edgar!

I immediately called my husband and told him what went down.

“oh”, he said.

“oh no! You need to call him and tell him his crew killed my plant!”, I calmly but passionately stated.

So that night he called Edgar and said something along the lines of,”uh..hey Edgar…my wife is pissed because I think you guys trimmed too much from a bush in the back.” Then there was laughing and smirking and it ended with a,”it’s no big deal man….”

Let’s just say we had some “words” when he got off the phone.

He said I was treating Edgar like “the help” and I reminded him that he WAS the help. That’s what his role in our lives is. I’m not saying he’s a lesser human or anything – I’m saying he provides a service. If that service is f’d up – then he needs to own up to it.

Am I nuts? Don’t answer that.

Back to my main point – if my marriage goes down, it won’t be because of an affair or because my husband doesn’t buy me jewelry or crap like that. It’ll be because he didn’t have a fight with Edgar.

Makes sense right?

Here’s the picture I’ll be looking at whenever I want to enjoy my hydrangea plant.

IMG_6050

Falling in Love and Snow

08 Nov 2012 5 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

It snowed last night. Nothing major, just a few inches, but enough to cover my pumpkins in the front yard. It made me happy. And then, magically, something made me even happier.  Let me set the scene.

Almost every night, at about 9pm, my day ends. All mouths are fed and relatively happy, kitchen is closed, work emails have slowed down or mercifully died –  and I am tucked in for some series tuning-out-the-world time (my husband’s a lucky man right?).

One of the most used tools in my home isn’t the oven, it’s the DVR.  But last night, I didn’t need it. No reality shows for me. Nope. It was me, Robert De Niro, Meryl Streep – and Metro North.

Have you seen Falling in Love? Yes? Ok so you get it. No? Please, go rent it, or itune it, or Red Box it. It’s so good and heartbreaking and wonderful. It’s about two married people who slowly, gently become friends and fall in love on a morning commute.  Not exactly your Ryan Gosling/Tatum Channing romantic comedy – but you’ll love it.

Because my husband loves me, because he knows me – he got the computer, put on his earphones and left me alone for an hour and a half.  To all you young lovers out there – this is equivalent to flowers and jewelry for a couple that’s been together for more than 2 decades. Trust me.  It’s the height of romance.

Go watch the movie – preferably with a quiet, ignored house.