Diet tips…Vol.1

First have a healthy, balanced dinner.

Then walk to the kitchen, pass a pizza pie your 17 year old with a metabolic rate of a cheetah ordered as a snack and keep walking.

Loop around, go back into the kitchen once he’s done and spy the box.

Because being wasteful is bad, decide to not throw out the leftover slice. But since you’re also literally trying to walk your ass off, only cut off a small piece. Go back to watching tv.

Loop around. And again.

And again.

Calories consumed in small pieces don’t count. It’s a law.

When finished delete your 17 year olds door dash account to show him who’s boss and project your anger and guilt.

Here’s the tale visually

Vol. 2 coming soon… how to eat a donut in 29 bites.

Intermittent slowing

I love breakfast. It’s my favorite. It’s always been my favorite. Growing up it was the only meal we had at home that resembled what other people ate…kind of. I mean my parents didn’t make coffee, they made chai, but we did have toast! It wasn’t made from soft, fluffy white bread like Wonder – we had something that was literally called Brick Oven. Brrrrrick oven. The name literally told you what it would feel like in your stomach. But at least it wasn’t Indian food. Although sometimes it was Indian food, but that’s another story.

I’m an early riser. Even in high school I woke up early. These days it’s 7am on average in Covid days because I’m not commuting. Before that, I was up at 5:30 or 6 and out the door by 7:30ish. That’s a lot of breakfast time. So much breakfast time that on some days – not always – I had two mini breakfasts before lunch. Two! And because it was mostly non-protein…even though it was simple stuff (toast, etc), it didn’t help. Help what you ask? Help my di….my die…. my diet! Phew. There I said it.

I never say that word. Shockingly I’m hardly ever on a diet. Seriously. I know I probably should be, but I’ve never been obsessed with my weight. I mean in high school I wanted to be thinner and I started walking more and lost some weight before college, which was great. My first few years of college I actually lost weight because the food was gross (this is pre-vegetarian friendly years in the country), this was also great. Plus I was in love and drinking my suppers away – it was all good.

I’ve talked about this before, food was a really important part of my childhood. What other family do you know that drove from Harrisburg, PA to Queens, New York for lunch? Ours did. We did it multiple times a year. That’s also what counted as “vacations” for us.

I was never thin. Ok maybe that’s wrong. I was thin for about a year in elementary school. I had pneumonia and an enlarged heart situation. Spent a few months in the hospital and then bedrest for another few months. I missed half a year of school. When I went back everyone was very curious and I felt famous. I’d lost a lot of weight, my hair had grown out and I was a bit yellow from an iron deficiency. Not exactly hot stuff, but I loved it. It was very dramatic and fun. By the summer it all wore off and I got back to my normal self. The life threatening illness was fun while it lasted.

My parents never talked about my weight. I never remember my mother or father ever saying anything positive or negative about it. It just was what it was. That’s not to say I didn’t try all the new fads and classes that came out. I’ve done Spin class, Zumba, SlimFast, the Beyonce cayenne cleanse, yoga, Weight Watchers, etc. I tried them all, but mostly because I was curious and I’m into new things. Did I lose weight, sure. But I never fluctuated all that much. 5 up/5 down if I was lucky. I was also never that devastated or excited by any of it.

Now, at 48, I’m not on any real medication (besides Progesterone which has changed my life, we can talk about that someday) and I haven’t had any real health issues (knock on a BIG piece of wood). I’ve never had a doctor sit me down and say,” you need to lose weight.” This could also be because I avoid doctors as much as I can but whatever.

All of this is a very long winded way of saying…I’m not that into diets. Ask my friends. I don’t really talk about it. I’m not really that interested. I know beautiful, dear people that go from one plan to another. That are in a constant state of diet. There’s always a comment about what they’re eating and how bad they are doing. It’s seems sad to me – and exhausting, but I get it. I think I’m the freak here, I get it.

At the beginning of Covid we tucked in and started doing what everyone did. We cooked. We baked. We ate. We drank. We’re still doing it. Shockingly – I didn’t gain weight. I didn’t lose weight, but there was no uptick. While I was cooking, baking and drinking I listened to podcasts. Lots and lots of podcasts. One was about Intermittent Fasting (IF). Basically reducing the amount of time in a 24 hour period that you can/should eat. It’s not about what you eat exactly – it’s focused only on when you eat.

There’s 3 big methods of IF: alternate day fasting, periodic fasting and daily time restricted fasting. The podcast I listened to was about alternate day – which is restricting calories to 500 on fasting days (every other or every two days, however you choose to do it). The health benefits are beyond just weight loss. Clearer mind, better mood, etc. It also seemed less restrictive because it doesn’t focus on what you eat, as long as you’re staying to a calorie reduction. I mean you can’t eat donuts as your only meal but it seemed doable. So I tried it. It was super duper hard. Not eating for a 24 hour period was not my thing. I only did it for a couple of days. One day fast/one day eating. It lasted only 3 days. By the 2nd day of my full fast I was done. Did I eat a vat of ice cream – no. But I needed a meal. I was light headed and not feeling great. So I was done. Back to my usual.

A few weeks later I was reading an article about another method of IF. Daily time restricted fasting – or 16:8. Don’t eat for 16 hours, eat for 8. That seemed like a small change. 7 of those non eating 16 hours would be sleeping hours. How hard could that be? Again I was curious. So about two months ago, maybe more, I started doing it. No food until noon or 1pm. Then I eat normally until 7pm or 8pm. I’m still trying not to go nuts during the day but I’m not doing any real restrictions. I have a carb. I have a glass of wine. Maybe 2. It wasn’t easy, I’m going to be honest. I like my morning time and I like my breakfast, as I’ve said. But it wasn’t that hard either.

Something started to change. Something really really slowly started to change. I lost a pound. It took me a really long time, but I lost a pound. Then I lost another. Slowly. My clothes started feeling better. No one can really tell. Then we went away for the weekend and I had a piece of coffee cake for breakfast. The next day I had another piece. But nothing happened. I came home and went right back to the 16:8. No big deal. A few days later I lost another pound.

Again – will anyone notice, probably not. It’s really a small, slow, and I do mean slow, change. But it feels good. And it doesn’t feel like a diet. More importantly I’m still doing it. The longest I’ve ever done anything else is Zumba (and I may get back to that too!).

Just sharing my very long, very slow moving journey. I’ll be hitting my goal weight (although I don’t really have one) by 2027.

Two plates, one marriage

Nothing will give you a better sense of how different my husband and I really are better than a look at our dinner plates.

His plate.

My plate.

His plate.

My plate.

Carnivore and carbivore. Living in perfect harmony. Kind of.

I’m made my peace with lamb shank bones and rare beef. He’s made his peace with how many pasta/cheese/crushed red pepper combos I can come up with. At least I’m a cheap date.

We’ve been at this since 1991. The ying to my yang. The mustard to his hot dog. The chutney to my samosa. I think we’ll be like this for the rest of our lives, or until we see a cardiologist.

**************************************

This post is dedicated to Howard. Who loves when I write about literally nothing. That’s his favorite. In opposite world.

0.0

A few months ago I got a Fit Bit. I was so excited! And then I wasn’t. It’s been collecting dust in a drawer ever since. Well not no more!
After a fun summer of eating, drinking, beaching and overall gluttony – I’m done. For the love of God and my zippers, I’m done.
I’m putting it out there so I can’t back out. From now on, my Fit Bit and I are attached to the hip. Or the wrist. She goes where I go! I’ve assigned her a gender and have already started talking to her. That’s what you do right?
So here I am at the beginning.
0 steps.
0 calories burned.
0 everything.
I’ve got nowhere to go but up. I mean down.
Wish me luck.

20140824-190835-68915275.jpg

Rainy days and Mondays

IMG_6050

It’s almost the end of July. Eastern Pennsylvania has once again turned into the tropics.

I know today isn’t Monday. I was going to post this yesterday but then I got roped into watching American Ninja Warrior.

Have you seen that show?

I like to have a bowl of ice cream while I watch. Which is also how I watch The Biggest Loser. I’m a rebel like that.

Have a good week everyone!

(my hydrangea plants didn’t die in the heat!)

Big Mac without the Mac

IMG_5102

Actually, this is a Whopper no meat.

I couldn’t help myself today. I needed something from a drive-thru window. I didn’t need to supersize it or make it a meal. But I really wanted this sandwich.

Did you know that McDonald’s and Burger King all have veggie versions of their famous sandwiches? Not a veggie patty (ewwwww). I’m talking all the goodness of the burger with none of the meat. The meat is the goodness you say? Meh.

Don’t be fooled. These aren’t healthy by any means. I may have knocked out a few thousand calories, but there’s more where that came from.

Give it a shot next time. I promise you won’t be disappointed.  Well – you might be. If you need beef in your burgers you’ll be disappointed.

(ps –  I like raw onions. I don’t get to eat them often because I don’t live alone in the wilderness. but I like them. alot.)

Anyway – what did you have for lunch?

IMG_5103

Crushing on clementines

Thought I’d share my favorite weirdo way to eat clementines (current household obsession), oranges, melons (including the water variety) and mangos.

All you need is: fruit of the moment, salt and pepper

DSC_0883

Can you guess what you do next? Yep. That’s it.

DSC_0897

 

It’s so freaking good. Trust me. Sometimes I use red chili powder instead of black pepper – but I didn’t want to blow your mind.

There you are. Happy Birthday. Merry Christmas. From me to you.

 

 

“lunch”

Some days I feed my kids fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.  They wake up to homemade pancakes, have a balanced lunch and go to bed after a healthy dinner.

Other days I have back to back work calls and they are left to their own devices. My girl will whip up some PB&J sandwiches for the boy, or he’ll have whatever assortment of fiber laden food he can find in the pantry (did I tell you about his obsession with raisins, oatmeal and apples. Good for his little body, not so good for our septic system. We have 3 bathrooms in our house and 4 plungers. Sorry. Had to go there. He’s cute, but he’s deadly).

Then there are total and complete fail days. Days when I start working at 6am and forget that I have to feed anyone until I’m dragging them through Target at lunch and they start foaming at the mouth for “beef” hot dogs and disgusting blue ice drinks.

Guess which day today was?

Love, Mother of the Year. Again.

Sweet sweet summer

It’s hot here.  Really hot.  Frizzy hair hot.  The kind of hot that only a large body of water can help.  Not that I would ever swim in an ocean, or a pool – but that’s another story.

Anyway, it’s this heat that inspired this post.  My kids, like all kids, love the summer.  Their father taught them how to swim – and they do – like fish.  We try to head towards the ocean come July.  When I started looking at some of our old water migration photos – I noticed a trend.  See if you can spot it….or lick it.

I call these – the ice cream chronicles.  From Montauk, to Lake George, to Mexico and Cape Cod.  We’ve eaten treats all over the hemisphere. Like mother like kids. The last two shots were taken by my daughter, who will no longer let me take sloppy food shots of her (doesn’t she love me?).