I’ll take a venti light with a shot of nice view please….

Look at these idyllic photos.  This is the mighty Delaware, with its beautiful lush greenery and birds and bugs living in harmony.  This is why I love our town. It’s old, historic, and has bits of natural beauty all over the place.

You’d think we were miles and miles from civilization. In reality, we are a hop, skip and a jump from…..

A Starbucks!

I know this drives some people crazy. Big bad developments killing small, quaint towns etc. I don’t even particularly like Starbucks coffee – I’m more of a Dunkin Donuts kinda gal.  But I love the fact that it’s there.  I like knowing I can get a ridiculously priced coffee drink with enough caloric intake for my whole day and go see the mighty Delaware and pretend I’m George Washington.  What. Like you don’t pretend.  Whatever.

I just like my amenities.  I love the view, the nature, the majestic beauty of places – but I also love amenities.  I need amenities.

You know what makes nature even more enjoyable?  A cup of overpriced iced coffee and some bug spray you bought at the corner drugstore.

Say what?

I know some very funny people who crack me up all the time. Here’s some of my favorite quotes.  Not from famous people. Just from my people.

 
“I was going to go to Vegas on my 40th Birthday, but I got a divorce instead” – said by genius new friend within 10 minutes of meeting each other.  That’s how I knew she was my kind of folk.  I think this is what her memoir should be called!

“Money isn’t life mom.” – said by an 8-year-old boy in Target who wanted to buy a $50 Lego set.  Lego sets….I think they were the real cause of the ’08 financial meltdown.

“How can I fly with eagles when I’m surrounded by turkeys?” – said by an old co-worker who dropped jewels like this all the time. She is missed.

“Middle School is the ultimate rated R movie mom!” – said by a 13-year-old girl trying to convince her mother of letting her watch rated R movies (great quote – answer is still NO).

“I’ll just be here in the corner, chewing on wet cigarettes butts if you need me” – said by the most hysterical person I’ve ever worked with.  She can find a funny sliver lining on any situation – thank god for her.

“Is that a taco?” – said by a friend who was confronted at a party by someone he had been ignoring for months.  When cornered and asked to explain his disappearance he panicked and said the now famous line and walked away. There were no tacos anywhere.  I think I peed my pants that night. This line is now ubiquitous with any situation in my life that warrants getting out of dodge fast!

Things to talk to my future therapist about…

This isn’t really a post – it’s more like a confession.

I can’t master the art of food quantity.  Either I make too much or I make nothing. I made French toast for my kids today. They  had one piece each and were done.  Which, by the way, is exactly the amount they had the last time I made French toast. What’s wrong with me?  I’m sure it has to do with my childhood (food is not love!) or my distorted sense of reality or something.  Anyway – If you are in or around the Bucks County area – feel free to stop in.  I’ve got enough food to feed you all.  Now…onto lunch.

Summer Hours

It’s June.  School is over. Sports are over. It’s getting really hot. This is the start of a long, lazy summer for my kids.  There will be camp and travel in their future – but not yet.  My daughter is babysitting a little, and my son gave it a shot with an iced tea stand (a full 1/2 hour, he made $2) but other than that – they have nothing to do.  I am completely jealous.  I’m on conference calls and doing paperwork while watching them putz around.  You know putzing right? It’s like puttering or being idle.  I know we should give them some summer reading and math projects – they should be practicing piano everyday (sorry Ms. Tatyana) – and I know we should encourage them to keep their minds active and engaged. But we don’t.  We let them stay up late and sleep in.  That’s why on a perfectly good early afternoon – you can still find them snoozing.  Come back after lunch – they’ll be ready for the day.

Notice the sun beaming in through the windows, not that they notice.

In here somewhere is my firstborn.  The more time she spends sleeping  is the less time she spends texting.

And here’s the hooligan. The more he sleeps in  – the less he’s terrorizing your neighborhood.

Best Boyfriend Ever

I don’t mean my boyfriend since, you know, my husband wouldn’t approve.

My sister’s man surprised her yesterday with a hot air balloon ride for her birthday.  How cool is that?  He told me about the surprise the night before and I acted all happy and excited, when deep down I was yelling,”NO!! PLEASE! SHE’S MY ONLY SISTER!!!”.  Thank goodness he’s more balanced and adventurous than I am, because he knocked it out of the park.  Actually, he knocked it off of the ground. She loved it. She wasn’t afraid for her life at all.  She didn’t even cry, falling to her knees kissing the dirt and thanking god for gravity….not that I would have done that – no I’d still be passed out from fear.

Anyway – here’s her amazing photos from the heavens. While you’re looking at the shots in the clouds please remember that she’s standing in what looks like a wicker picnic basket – not inside a plane with a seat belt watching a movie.  I won’t lie – I was sweating a little looking at these pictures.  Thank god I’m not her boyfriend. She’d never leave the house if I was.

Look at that tiny little box that was holding her life….

Away they go.  At this point I would have stopped trying to jump out and just started crying.

I’d be speaking in tongues at this point.

Look at this beautiful picture – I’m in awe.  If a girl screams in a hot air balloon and you didn’t hear it, did she really scream? Just kidding. She didn’t scream.  She was loving it.

This is the shot where I need you all to remember that she’s in an open box, no harness, no nothin’.  All hail the newly minted 29 year old.

Chocolate It’s Bananas! Bread Pudding

I told you guys I had too many bananas.  Ok – after this we’ll be banana free for a bit.  Hope you try this and hope you forgive me for not retyping the ingredients.  (Recipe can be found in the Flour Bakery Cookbook – again).  This is the first time I made this recipe but I’m a chocolate pudding risk taker.

 

Cube the bread and put in a wide, shallow pan.  I used a loaf of day old bread from the local bakery but any old bread would do.

 

In a separate bowl whisk together the eggs, sugar and baking soda.

 

 

Heat the half&half to scalding but not to a boil.  So basically a thin skin will start forming but no bubbles.  Although I saw a couple of bubbles but nobody’s perfect.  If you are perfect, you’ll start heating the half&half before cubing the bread and whipping the egg mixture, being 100% efficient with your time.  Or you can be like me and wait by the stove staring down the liquid as if you’re eyes had super scalding power.

Anyhoo – once it’s at the scalding hot stage – pour it onto the chocolate chips – which you’ve combined in yet another bowl.  I promise you, this is the last “another” bowl you’ll need.

 

Start stirring slowing after pouring and you’ll see the chips magically dissolve leaving a big fat pot of chocolate half&half.  You can just stop here and have that for desert if you’d like.  No one will know.

 

Once the chocolate has fully dissolved, slowly, carefully, pour the egg mixture in – all the while whisking as you go (and then try taking a picture at the same time. I’m just sayin’).

If the odds are in your favor and you don’t have chocolate egg curdles – pour the mixture onto the cubes of bread.  The book calls for pouring the liquid through a sieve first but I pretended not to read that part.

Then add the bananas.  You can either slice the bananas in or in my case, squeeze the overripe goop onto the pan and mix in.  Tasty.

Then into a 300 degree oven for a 1.5 hours.

 

Once done – add your choice of topping – chocolate sauce, whipped cream, ice cream…. take a wild guess what I picked.

Bad Movie Streak

Ugh.  UGH. I love movies. My husband loves movies.  When we were young and wild and free, we went to a movie every Friday night. We still make it out of the house –  but we also “on demand” a lot.  When Oscar time comes around – it’s a personal mission to watch everything nominated.  And we are not movie snobs.  We like a big budget Tom Cruise movie as much as a small, independent Sarah Polly flick.

It’s this spirit of openness and non-discrimination that hastotally messed us up.  We’ve seen crap movie after crap movie.  Sometimes we get duped by reviews (damn you Rotten Tomato), sometimes we get duped by cute faces (by we I mean me), and sometimes we should have just known better.

Here’s some recent failures:

  • Prometheus: WTF. I love Michael Fessbender, Noomi Rapaci, and Luther himself – Idris Elba, but WTF.  I have no freakin’ idea what the movie was about.  I know, I know – it’s a prequel to Alien.  Still have no clue – none.  Listen, I can easily follow the plots in Game of Thrones, The Wire and the new Dallas, so it’s not me.  Is it?
  • Man on a Ledge: Should’ve known better
  • Contraband: Ditto. Although come on Marky Mark – after The Departed and The Fighter I expect more.
  • The Vow: it makes The Notebook look like Shakespeare
  • One for the Money: just because it’s on HBO doesn’t mean you should watch it.
  • The Hangover II:  Bradley Cooper is insanely good-looking.  Freakishly handsome.  It’s almost painful how sexy he is. Movie still sucked.

Oh well.  I have some high hopes for the next few weeks – and if that doesn’t work – there’s always reality TV to keep me warm at night.

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