Friday Funny

07 Dec 2012 2 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

My family is a bunch of YouTube junkies. They are constantly looking at videos for the following: how to beat levels on Lego Batman, do a perfect waterfall braid, put in a new sink fixture, learn how to play “Dominic the Donkey” on piano, how to tell if you have termites etc.  Once in a while, they’ll show me a video that they think I’ll like.  Flash mobs are a favorite of mine, as are crazy wedding dances and proposals. Basically anything that involves music and a group dance-off – which I’m all about.

This week I found something on YouTube that they hadn’t seen. It’s been all over the morning shows – I’m probably late to this party – but I wanted to share.

Here’s the quick set-up:

There’s a prank show in Brazil that only does elevator gags.  I’ve seen the other ones, which are funny, but not as mental and deranged as this one (I like my humor spiked with mental and deranged sometimes, sue me).

I also knew it was a winner when it reduced my husband to a puddle of laughter.  For extreme clarification, my 14-year-old would like to point out that she had already seen this video and that I didn’t introduce anything new to her. Ah hem.



Happy Friday!

’twas the dawn before Thanksgiving…

21 Nov 2012 9 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Cooking! Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the nutty woman making cranberry sauce at 5am.

It’s pre-gobble time. Run to the store time, prep your turkey time, run to store again time. I love this holiday. It’s my all-time fav. We never celebrated it when I was growing up, which is ironic because a holiday about food would have fit right in. My husband’s family taught me to love Thanksgiving. The gathering, the laughing, the shouting, the forcing-the-vegetarian-to-mix-sausage-stuffing-by-hand-ing.  I digress.

Through the years I’ve found my own way of doing the holiday – I’ve tried garlic mashed potatoes and truffle mashed potatoes and pecan glazed sweet potatoes and apple cranberry stuffing and every other recipe that Martha Stewart pimped out. You know what I learned? All I need is pounds and pounds of butter. And maybe some heavy cream. Other than that – I leave everything alone.  My mashed potatoes just have potatoes in them.  I save the pecans for the pie, and the craziest thing I add to my stuffing is some green onions.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to blog throughout the cooking, but I’ll try.  Here’s almost everything – minus the 28 pound fresh bird that’s waiting for me at the market.

If I knew how to do one of those cool panoramic shots, I would. But I don’t, so I won’t.

Yes, we’re a Poppycock family. There’s no hiding it now.

I thought I’d highlight two of my favorite “cheats”.

Why cut celery and onions when you can use that time for more productive things, like watching Top Chef Seattle (do you love it like I love it?).

The best $2.99 cents you have ever spent at Trader Joe’s.

Here’s the other thing I don’t bother making from scratch … sorry about the blurriness but it’s early you know. Get off my back.

I do make a quick honey and maple syrup to drizzle on top. See, it’s kinda like homemade.

Ok, gotta get back to my day. Hope you are all knee deep in turkey day prep too! No? Damn.

It’s not your last meal.

20 Nov 2012 1 Comment

by wifemothereventplanner in Cooking! Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I say this in my house once or 12 times a week. You don’t like dinner? You’ll be fine. Lunch isn’t up your ally? No worries, stick around for a few hours and another meal will appear. Why? Because we live in the first world, because food is over abundant and available 24/7 to us, and mostly because we’re lucky as shit – if you don’t like your food, get over it.

This past week there was a lot of buzz around a New York Times food review that tore apart a TV Chef owned restaurant in NYC.  The entire article was written in questions. At first, I loved the article. I laughed. I thought it was clever and sarcastic and biting.  And then I reread it a few days ago because it’s been on my mind. I was wrong. I don’t like the article at all. I know it’s a review, I get that. And I’m all for honesty in journalism. But this wasn’t that. This was written by a man-boy who basically had a hissy fit because he didn’t like the food. He scorched the concept, the people, the food, the location – everything. It was an all out teenage tantrum wrapped in sardonic writing, and he seemed very happy with himself.

I’m not sure why this is bothering me and I’ve never been to the place that was reviewed.  I believe it wasn’t/isn’t great. And I’m sure there were truths to what the writer said in the article. But please, calm down dude, it’s not your last meal.

Here’s the article I’m talking about.


http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-american-kitchen-bar-in-times-square.html

Forget the holly — haul out the Hallmark Movie Channel

17 Nov 2012 5 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Guest Post Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

GUEST POST alert. RD strikes again!

Some people who know me might be shocked to discover that I am a rabid fan of the sappy holiday movie. Beneath my jaded, hard-bitten, work-a-day veneer lies the mushy heart of a true romantic. Most of the year, I am able to hide this chink in my otherwise sturdy armor, but at the holidays, the jig is up and the tissues are out.

I am not a snob either, of course the classics like It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, are always in heavy rotation, but I am also a sucker for the cheesy, un-original fluff that one is likely to find on Lifetime/Hallmark Channel/ABC Family and the like. Have you seen Holiday in Handcuffs, starring the too-buff Mario Lopez (of Saved by the Bell fame) and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, aka, Melissa Joan Hart? I predict that it will become a new classic. It’s a fun, opposites-attract, Christmas kidnapping caper, that is so unlikely, you almost believe that it must have happened, because who could make that crap up? I LOVE IT!

Some of the other must-sees on my list include:

The Christmas Card — not surprisingly, a Hallmark standby. Starring the great Ed Asner, and some other people I don’t know, it’s a sweet, slightly predictable tale about finding true love where and when you least expect it. Plus it’s set in the Pacific Northwest, so the scenery is breathtaking.

A Holiday Affair — Starring Robert Mitchum and Janet Leigh. Call me Psycho (get it?) but I love this old black and white that you can sometimes catch on Turner Classic Movies. Allegedly, Mitchum was “forced” to make it by his management team because he had been caught smoking pot for like the 100th time, and they thought it would be good for his image. Whatever the reason, he’s dreamy and charming in it, and Janet Leigh is beautiful and gutsy–she had “moxie” or whatever they called it back then. I could do without the weird, pointy bra, but that’s another story.

Christmas In Connecticut — Another black and white sigh-fest starring Barbara Stanwyck. It has some funny, Three’s Company-style hi-jinks, but in the end, the right couple ends up together, and there’s lots of snow, and sleigh rides in a rural New England setting that looks like it’s straight out of a Currier and Ives print. I try to watch it twice if I can.

The Holiday — This is a semi-new fave, that I’m sure is much more familiar to most people. What can I say? Jack Black, Kate Winslet, Jude Law. Lots of house-porn with a luxe California beach home and a quaint English cottage. “Meet cutes” and witty, snappy dialog make it even better. Oh, and Cameron Diaz is in it too, but I don’t let that stop me from watching it with a bottle of wine…I mean, glass of wine.

There are many more I could list, but this entry is probably already much longer than WMEP anticipated. Besides, I heard Love Actually is coming on soon, so I have to go anyway….

Pop Culture Vulture – Fall Edition

17 Oct 2012 5 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ll start with the Real Housewives dynasty. I think we’re done. I don’t know if I’m bored or growing up, but I’ve had enough. The fake tans, the fake problems, the fake boobs…everyone needs to a good hot bath.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey:

The Reunion(s): I love Andy Cohen but how could he? Three episodes of the reunion! Outrageous. This season was all about Melissa being a stripper (or not) and …nothing else. That’s literally what the entire 9 episode arch was about. Riveting. But it’s not your fault. I still watched.

The Real Housewives of New York:

I’m not sure what the season was about. But I have been obsessed with the new ladies that joined the show. Aviva with her fake leg, Heather with her girdle empire and Carole with those insanely uneven lips. Yes Ramona drank and Sonja didn’t make sense – and when will Luann finally admit she’s really Louis in a dress? She’s got more testosterone than most men I know.

Moving away from Bravo and diving right into TLC – which has more trashy shows now than HBO after dark.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:

I know many people around the country are up in arms about this show. They’ve called it exploitive, creepy, and sad. I call it genius. I love me the Thompsons. You know why? They are completely in on the joke. They are laughing at each other as we laugh at them. I think it’s a cheeky, hilarious good time – and I for one am thrilled that they’ll be making some cash. Bless their hearts.

My life isn’t all about reality shows you know…

Dexter:

Last season sucked. Where is the serial killer I first fell in love with? Trinity was the last good bad guy we had together. Then we slid into Julia Stiles – I can’t even remember what that was about. And what happened to your Dad? No more advice from beyond the grave? Sigh. I miss the good old days – like when  Dexter would chop up a bad guy and be back in time for a police briefing.

Boardwalk Empire:

After last season’s Jimmy/Mommy issues I’m very excited by Bobby Cannavale and his demented character.  Suspicious, untrusting, evil and funny. All my favorite characteristics in a gangster.

Homeland:

Carrie has lost it. Again. After electro-therapy she’s teaching English at a local college when she’s asked to go to Beirut to meet an old informant – foreign espionage ensues. Is this the best show on TV? I think so. I love Claire Danes, but can we talk about Mandy Patinkin? I’ve always been a fan. From his Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride to his turn as the evil Huxley in Elmo in Grouchland (which I had to watch 1,800 times with my son).  Anyone?

So there you have it. How I spend my free time. Help me.

You had me at cheesy story line

18 Sep 2012 8 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , ,

 

My favorite bad movie was on last night. Step Mom. I know. It’s awful. I love it. I had gotten home late from work – everyone was fed (sort of) and sleeping (playing with electronics illegally in their room).  My husband was in REM sleep by 10pm. I was all alone with the TV.

You know when you’re aimlessly hunting for something to watch and you hit the jackpot? No? You’re out living life and working out? Whatever.

Well I was thrilled to find it on. Have you seen the film? It’s about a woman who gets engaged to a man with 2 kids and becomes….you guessed it…..the Step Mom. Except – there’s a twist!  The actual mom gets cancer and the family is forced to get along – stale, predictable dialogue ensues. I loved every second of it.

Do you have movies that you have to watch when they are on? Movies that you just cannot turn off? Groundhog Dog? Pretty Woman? Jaws?

 

non sequitur sunday

16 Sep 2012 7 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Everyone’s got some sort of sneezy, snorty, itchy-eyed allergy ridden cold

School’s in full swing, 2 back-to-school nights down, reading logs are already being ignored. Back to normal.

My blogging hasn’t gotten enough love from me, cause I’m tired! Sorry. No more excuses. Back to the everyday blog – starting tomorrow.

Did I tell you that I’m leaving for Paris at the end of the week. The trip of my dreams. A present from my man for my 40th.  Did I also tell you that I realized my passport was expired during a random conversation in bed the other night.  It’s been fun. The only thing that is sustaining me is traveling to a place where my completely black wardrobe will fit right in. Wine. Cheese. Bread. Black clothes. I may never come back.

Kim Kardashian is always eating on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”.

Boardwalk Empire starts tonight. I’m excited until I remember that Jimmy was killed off. What’s really left for me?

Am I the only one that gets bit by bugs the nano second I step outside?  I’ve been using more Calamine Lotion than moisturizer.

I have 22 almost rotten bananas in my freezer. I see my husband roll his eyes every time he opens the freezer.  How many more bananas will it take to drive him bananas? Which one will be the banana that broke his back? Is that a banana in your freezer or are you just nuts?

I saw the woman who does my pedicures in a shoe store – it was an awkward encounter, I don’t know why.

Tomorrow’s blog will be full of humor, intelligence and brilliance!  Just kiddin’ – it’ll be more of this shit.

 

Is it time for bed yet?

07 Sep 2012 8 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

It’s September 7th.

I’m exhausted. Here’s what I’ve been doing this week:

  • Kids are a week deep in school. My son’s allergies are in full swing – bloody nose and all.  I’ve already explained to the school nurse that he’s totally fine, he’s not in any pain – it just looks like a crime scene from Dexter. On that note – I love that show but I’m not sure if they will ever get back to the glory days of The Ice Truck killer. I digress.
  • I went to NYC twice this week. I took a picture each day because I felt like I was in Groundhog day (do you love that movie like I love that movie? Bing!). Same gray day. Same me. Almost same view trapped in a tower.

  • I’m looking forward to two things: the weekend, and my Vanity Fair coming in the mail.  Did you know there was a Scientology Dating process? Me neither. I’ll report back when I have all the vital info.
  • One of the best things about going to NYC is that I get to read The New York Daily Post. Oh how I love that paper. None of that smart, fair reporting that other papers get stuck on. Just ridiculous headlines with a bias slant.  Some of my recent favorites: “Headless Body found in Topless Bar”, Bradley Cooper movie review title, “Bradley’s Stupor”.  ”Forgive Me Father, For I Have Killed. A Priest Confesses”.
  • Ended a Back-to-School night in the best way possible – at a bar. Thank the lord for non-judgemental mothers who don’t look at me with disgust when I suggest we have a drink after the teacher meetings.  Ok – full disclosure – I actually wanted to skip the meeting but they made me go.

Pop Culture Vulture – part deux

13 Aug 2012 6 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , ,

The Oxford English Dictionary just added the word Pop Candy to the next printing. Defined as “information that is not relevant but is hugely interesting on a surface level”.  Finally. A motto I can live by.

On that note – here’s all the non-relevant but interesting (to me) information that’s been churning around in my head – SPOILERS AHEAD!

  • Breaking Bad is breaking me down. Did you see last night’s episode, Dead Freight? They went there. They did it. What I thought was going to be a lighter episode about an old-fashioned bank heist – designed by Jesse so no witnesses would have to die  - led to one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole series.  They killed a kid. In the last 60 seconds of the episode – they killed a boy.  It happened so fast – seemed so unconnected – and then all the pieces from the opening scene fit. The newest member of their crew, a ginger who looked like he couldn’t harm a fly, Todd – did the deed in a flash.  Jesse was the only one who cried out. Walt just stood there and watched quietly.  Holy Shit.  All the other things about the episode – Hank’s office being bugged by Walt, Jesse’s obvious crush on Lydia, Walt, Jr using his middle name Flynn, the funny/anxious train robbery – all forgotten.  The show just went down a dead end street – which I guess is the point, since this is the last season. There is no turning back now – no redemption.  Walt, Mike, Todd and even poor Jesse have to go down. Hard.
  • The Real Housewives of New York.  Oh stop smirking – I have to watch this crap to get images of dead kids out of my head! I’ve been with this series since they began – I’ve been there when Jill and Bethany had it out, through all of the Ramona’coasters fueled on booze – even when Kelly went crazy, again, on a tropical island and started popping jelly beans. Those were good times. But Aviva and her fake leg chronicles (I told you there were spoilers ahead) , LuAnn and her pretend pregnancy issues and that other chick whose name I can’t even remember. I dunno. I’m bored. Sonja has gone off the deep end – she’s a caricature now – and not in an entertaining way. They are all pandering to some sort of post show career they hope to have.  The only episode that was slightly fun was the one with Aviva’s ridiculous father. Can’t dentures be ordered to fit your mouth? It’s not one size fits all right?
  • The Wendy Williams Show. Where have you been all my life? Sassy, funny, corny – and so NYC (ok, bridge and tunnel but still)  I’m not sure how it translates around the country (is it even on around the country?) – but man it’s awesome.  I told a friend that I just started watching and she said,”uh huh” and hung up the phone.  Brain candy people. Or maybe just candy.  Sticky, gooey, rots-your-teeth candy. Bring it!

If I had a TV in my kitchen I could watch even more of this crap. Sigh.

10,000, 100 and 1

25 Jul 2012 6 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , ,

So my little blog that could finally reached 10,000 views, I’ve written 100 posts and I finally have 1 negative comment.  Does that mean I’m legit now?

I know I’m still very green, I’m like a baby blog.  I’ve tried to read a ton of other blogs, and articles about how to blog – where they usually tell you that the kiss of death is when bloggers talk about blogging. Sorry.

I’ve had so much fun and I’m still shocked anyone reads this site.  By now you’ve figured out that I will never address big, scandalous social issues on here, unless they have to do with my kids or food or The Real Housewives.

To all you seasoned bloggers that have been doing this for years, excuse my indulgence. I’m like those couples that celebrate being married for 3 months, yuck.

Here’s some random thoughts on the past few months:

  • I have one loyal reader in Wales that tunes in every day – OYE! I’m talkin’ to you! Thank you.
  • I cannot figure out what makes people tick.  Sometimes I write about TV and 2 people care, other days I write about TV and 300 care. You’re all a mystery but I love you.
  • I don’t love all of you. I finally got a negative comment. Someone (not you Howard) told me that I should quit while I’m ahead and that my stuff is crap. How dare you 232Columbus! I’m outraged! Show your face coward!! Just kidding. Don’t ever show your face, I’m scared of you. Go read some angry blogs and never come back here again.
  • Who knew checking my stats daily would be more addictive than coffee. My stats are my life y’all.
  • I wrote a whole bunch of blogs that I no longer want to post? Is that normal? It’s not like I only post the best – let’s face it – I did write a whole post on my weather app.
  • I think my posts with pictures are better than the ones without.  Which makes sense since I’m an infant. This is like a board blog. Get it?
  • On most days I get an immediate text from approximately 10 people who refuse to comment on the blog and instead ridicule me in private. One of these days I may do a post on all the texts I’ve gotten about my posts.
  • How come everybody doesn’t blog?

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