06 Jul 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in I need to tell you about this right now
Tags: food, Hollywood, humor, Katie Holmes, Life, Movies, Tom Cruise, tv
We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog to bring you breaking gossip or at least, my opinion of breaking gossip.
Katie Holmes dumped Tom Cruise. All the (trashy) articles are saying that it was Scientology that did it. That she was being controlled and didn’t want Suri to grow up trapped. That she needed to get away from Tom.
WTF. Where do I begin….
- Why is everyone so freaked out by Scientology? Why is Scientology any stranger than God being born by a pregnant virgin? I don’t think it’s that weird, although I grew up in a house that had a different God for every day of the week.
- Suri is a little alien baby, but she’s gorgeous and happy – so who cares
- Correct me if I’m wrong but what part of Katie Holmes’ life was oppressive? The vacation homes in Belize and St. Tropez? The designer duds? The endless luxury? Being friends with Will/Jada AND the Beckham’s? I have at least 20 more questions but I’ll spare you.
- What was Katie busy doing before they got together? Dawson’s Creek was over – she did a couple of cool indie flicks – but other than that…snooze.
- Tom Cruise. I like him. I always have. I like his movies – good, bad and Valkyrie. I could be very happily married to him and his wacky religion. And isn’t he gone most of the year? All we ever see are pictures of her walking around with Suri going to ice cream shops and cupcake shops. Although you never see Katie eating anything. Ever.
- Yes, it’s a very big possibility that Tom is gay. Even better! Pressure’s off Katie. Go have a life, hire a pool boy (or 3) and have some fun.
- Before Tom, Katie was engaged to Chris Klein. Don’t know him? ‘Nuff said.
- Wanna know my ultimate theory on Hollywood romances and why they fail? Hunger. I think they are all hungry. The men and the women. Hollywood would have longer marriages if they would all just have a bagel.
05 Jul 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in I need to tell you about this right now
Tags: humor, Life, Movies, Photography
Have you seen The Shining? Do you love it like we love it? A family snowbound in a haunted hotel with ensuing madness…what’s there not to love. The only other movie that we quote more lines from is Jaws (I won’t tell you about the reenacting that happens whenever we get to a beach – let’s just say it’s not exactly family fare but it’s hysterical).
Anyway – one of my husband’s very good friends has taken his hobby/passion for photography and turned it something fantastic. He runs a photography site called blackjacketphoto.com. He does amazing, beautiful work. He also has a wicked sense of humor.
Do you remember the photograph at the end of The Shining? The one that shows Jack at the Overlook hotel in the 20′s – confirming that he’s as messed up as we all thought he was. It’s a cool pic.
Look what our photog did for us….that’s my husband with the creepy face in the front – and me leaning ever-so-delicately over his shoulder.
I smell Christmas card! The kids wanted to be in the pic too – maybe next time – when we do a scene from Children of the Corn.
21 Jun 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in I need to tell you about this right now
Tags: Family, food, Friendship, humor, Kids, Legos, Life, Movies, Quotes, Tacos
I know some very funny people who crack me up all the time. Here’s some of my favorite quotes. Not from famous people. Just from my people.
“I was going to go to Vegas on my 40th Birthday, but I got a divorce instead” - said by genius new friend within 10 minutes of meeting each other. That’s how I knew she was my kind of folk. I think this is what her memoir should be called!
“Money isn’t life mom.” – said by an 8-year-old boy in Target who wanted to buy a $50 Lego set. Lego sets….I think they were the real cause of the ’08 financial meltdown.
“How can I fly with eagles when I’m surrounded by turkeys?” - said by an old co-worker who dropped jewels like this all the time. She is missed.
“Middle School is the ultimate rated R movie mom!” – said by a 13-year-old girl trying to convince her mother of letting her watch rated R movies (great quote – answer is still NO).
“I’ll just be here in the corner, chewing on wet cigarettes butts if you need me” - said by the most hysterical person I’ve ever worked with. She can find a funny sliver lining on any situation – thank god for her.
“Is that a taco?” - said by a friend who was confronted at a party by someone he had been ignoring for months. When cornered and asked to explain his disappearance he panicked and said the now famous line and walked away. There were no tacos anywhere. I think I peed my pants that night. This line is now ubiquitous with any situation in my life that warrants getting out of dodge fast!
15 Jun 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in I need to tell you about this right now
Tags: Hollywood, humor, Life, Movies, tv
Ugh. UGH. I love movies. My husband loves movies. When we were young and wild and free, we went to a movie every Friday night. We still make it out of the house – but we also “on demand” a lot. When Oscar time comes around – it’s a personal mission to watch everything nominated. And we are not movie snobs. We like a big budget Tom Cruise movie as much as a small, independent Sarah Polly flick.
It’s this spirit of openness and non-discrimination that hastotally messed us up. We’ve seen crap movie after crap movie. Sometimes we get duped by reviews (damn you Rotten Tomato), sometimes we get duped by cute faces (by we I mean me), and sometimes we should have just known better.
Here’s some recent failures:
- Prometheus: WTF. I love Michael Fessbender, Noomi Rapaci, and Luther himself – Idris Elba, but WTF. I have no freakin’ idea what the movie was about. I know, I know – it’s a prequel to Alien. Still have no clue – none. Listen, I can easily follow the plots in Game of Thrones, The Wire and the new Dallas, so it’s not me. Is it?
- Man on a Ledge: Should’ve known better
- Contraband: Ditto. Although come on Marky Mark – after The Departed and The Fighter I expect more.
- The Vow: it makes The Notebook look like Shakespeare
- One for the Money: just because it’s on HBO doesn’t mean you should watch it.
- The Hangover II: Bradley Cooper is insanely good-looking. Freakishly handsome. It’s almost painful how sexy he is. Movie still sucked.
Oh well. I have some high hopes for the next few weeks – and if that doesn’t work – there’s always reality TV to keep me warm at night.
07 May 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in I need to tell you about this right now
Tags: Dogs, Entertainment, humor, Life, make-up, Movies, pets, Skin Care, tv
- I’m obsessed with Ginsberg on Mad Men. He is hysterically weird and looney. I’d like an all-Ginsberg episode please. Or a Ginsberg spin-off show with his dad. Am I the only one? I also spend a lot of time thinking about the imp from Game of Thrones, Stringer Bell from The Wire and Maggie Smith’s character from Downton Abbey. I have problems.
- Pinterest…Tumblr….we just can’t get enough of ourselves right?? Is there anything we don’t need to share with the world immediately, she asks while writing a bulleted list of things she wants the world to know immediately. (Be sure to check me out on Pinterest & Tumblr).
- Shellac is a kind of instant dry nail polish. Perfect manicures people. I know it’s not world peace but it’s a start.
- St. Ives Apricot Facial Scrub. It’s cheap, harsh and potent – all my favorite things in alcohol and skin care.
- I had a conversation with our neighbor after she walked her dog. She had a question about a painter we used, she’s remodeling her bathroom. In truth – I have no idea what I said because I was so focused on the Target bag she was holding with poop in it. This is why we are a mystery to the rest of the world, because we stand in our front lawns with bags of poop talking about remodeling our bathrooms.
30 Apr 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in Yes, I'm an event planner
Tags: Events, humor, Movies, Quotes, weddings, work
Alan Kay is a visionary – a genius some would say. You should google him. He wasn’t talking about event planning when he wrote the quote – but it works. Although, I can relate things that Buddha and Oprah have said back to event planning too, just so you know.
To be a good planner, you have to put yourself out there. You cannot go-with-the-flow. You need to figure out what the choices are and then either know which direction is best for the situation – or take a gamble and go with your gut.
There is no such thing as a passive, indifferent planner. Do you have to be neurotic and Type A? Nope – but it helps. You know that JLo movie with that greasy Matthew McConnaheyhey? That was a terrible movie, although if it’s on tv I’m compelled to watch it. Anyway – the scenes with her running around like a looney with a headset? Bogus. Unless you are in a seriously stressful situation (there is no bride for the groom to wed, hurricanes, etc.) – calm yourself down.
Back to the quote….if you think events are the thing for you - test yourself. When you are with a group of people deciding what to order for dinner, what movie to see, what president to vote on – do you speak? Are you compelled to let your thoughts out? If the answer is no – congrats. You are a polite, normal citizen of the world. But if your answer is yes, and you’ve already researched the restaurant, read movie reviews and have no problem defending your choices – welcome to the insanity.
24 Apr 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in Brave New World
Tags: Family, humor, Life, Movies, parenting
This is a photo of my sister – 29 years ago. She looks different now – although that perturbed look she had when she was born hasn’t really gone away. She looks pissed right? Anyway, she’s a Professor, a teacher of wisdom at the college level, our very own John Keating (anyone? anyone?). Smart, sassy, independent, and mildly delusional – as one would have to be to get in front of a bunch of Freshman in the morning.
I think if I sat in her class I’d giggle the whole time. I know she’s an amazing teacher….but that face in the picture, that’s who I would see up there. Plus she just cracks me up.
A few years back we were sitting at the table with my dad, talking about her new job or my new job or something. He casually turned to me and said,” I’m not surprised, she’s the smart one and you have the personality.” Hand to God.
I see the Professor objecting to this story, but she knows it happened. That kind of compliment/insult double whammy comes out of my dad all the time. It’s why we love him.
23 Apr 2012
by wifemothereventplanner
in Brave New World
Tags: children, Entertainment, Family, humor, Kids, marriage, Movies, relationships, travel
I’m not the only freak in my marriage. Here’s proof. Last year, my kids and I got bamboozled into what we thought was a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. It was actually the “Jaws“ tour.
Brody’s house? Saw it. The beach that the Kinter boy’s raft washed up on? Went there. The docks where Quint took the Orca out to kill the fish with Brody and Hooper? Spent an afternoon there. Oh well – my kids will need something to tell their future therapist, this is good enough.
Why should we have to suffer alone….below are a few of the stops on the tour.
happy naive family gets off the ferry expecting vacation
the aforementioned docks…
.
Town Hall where Brody fought to shut the beach down 
Something happened here, but I can’t remember
Cast/crew stayed here during filming (yep, stayed there)
Jaws bridge – spot where the shark went from the ocean to the bay (or something). Apparently everyone jumps off it. That’s my girl jumping off – squeezing in some fun.
Let me know if you’d like to go, I’ve got a very willing guide.
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