Game of Thrones, and death, and dragons, and death

13 Jun 2013 3 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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I wasn’t going to do a Game of Thrones (GoT) blog because:

  • There are a billion posts about his already
  • I know not everyone watches it
  • I don’t want anyone to know how nerdy I really am

But I have to. I can’t stop thinking about it. I never read any of the books so I wasn’t prepared for this. My husband and I started watching the show together the first season. He was in for a few episodes, but they started losing him quickly. By the time Melisandre gave birth to the shadow demon that killed someone (won’t say who) – he was out.  He loved the ”imp”, the whole Stark storyline, and of course the gratuitous nudity – but add magic and dragons to the mix and he’s done.

I stayed with it. Who knew this many plot twists and storylines could be so entertaining. Who knew Daenerys aka Khaleesi would be the strongest female character on TV? Who knew main characters could die this easily and all the time! Here’s an excerpt of a Rolling Stone article that described what would happen if Mad Men were written like GoT: ”imagine Don Draper has a fight with Roger Sterling. And then kills him. And then he kills Peggy. And Joan. And Peter..”

And it’s not all nudity and death. Well, it’s really a lot of that – but there’s humor too – and really good writing.

I know I’m on a slippery slope. I blame Harry Potter. If it weren’t for me buying into those dark wizards and muggles, it would have been harder to love all this Seven Kingdoms mythology. What’s next? Hobbits? Damn you Hogwarts!

Anyway – back to GoT. I’m not going to add any specifics for those of you who haven’t started the series. I’m almost jealous of you. Oh to have three full seasons of GoT to watch uninterrupted this summer. Do it! If you live close enough, I’ll do it with you. And I promise not to squirm and blurt out,”please don’t kill all the Starks!” like I do at home.

Fly Guy

07 Jun 2013 2 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I flew back home last night on a delayed flight that got me home at about midnight. So, approximately 14 hours at the airport, in transit and on the tarmac. Awesome.

But there was a silver lining. I met Leo. The French Australian gay man of my dreams. Here’s what I learned about him during our travels together:

  • He grew up in Versailles. He laughed when I made my Marie Antoinette joke and asked if he lived in the main palace or the petit appartement de la reine..  I’m completely sure he’s never heard that before.
  • His father and mother are both tailors. He has 4 sisters who are all still in France. He went to school to become an accountant but realized he wanted to join the family business.
  • He has lived in Australia with his boyfriend for 20+ years. They almost adopted a baby some years back but spent the money on a vacation instead.
  • He had a stroke at 30 and was blind for 4 months.
  • At one point in the conversation he said in a very thick French/Australian accent,” I ADORE your scarf.” Then I regaled him with the story of said scarf. Bought in Paris (kismet!) by my husband. It’s a beautiful blue with what look like dark boxes from afar. Close up they are TVs. Yes. TVs.
  • As we watched Safe Haven together on the flight (it was awful, I still cried at the end), I convinced him to download Sleeping With The Enemy – a much superior woman-runs-from-abusive-relationship-to-small-town movie. He admitted that he thinks Julia Roberts looks like a horse and he doesn’t know why Americans love her. I then spent 20 minutes talking about Pretty Woman, “incase I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight”, “Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?”. Come on. You can’t hate Vivian.
  • He asked for 2 inflight meals and polished off both in an instant – which was surprising because he was small enough to carry in my pocket.
  • When he first boarded the flight he walked right over to the seat and said, “hello friend”.  Like Little Bill. That’s when I knew I’d love him forever.

By request – pics of my scarf.

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In Defense of Gwyneth Paltrow

10 May 2013 Leave a Comment

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , ,

220px-GwynethPaltrowByAndreaRaffin2011

She’s been getting a lot of flack lately. First her lifestyle website, GOOP, listed her top spring must haves.  A list that totaled up to well over $100,000. Then she was named People magazine’s most beautiful woman. This past week she showed up wearing a see-through side-paneled dress that showed all of her assets.

In the past she’s even been quoted saying things like,” I can’t pretend I make $25,000 a year because I don’t”.

She works out for 4 hours a day dancing around to Tracey Anderson – and now they’ve opened torture excercise schools all over the world. So we can all have tight, toned, dancer’s bodies. Ummm. Sure.

She named her kids Apple and Moses.

I get why she has haters.

But I have a soft spot for her.

I love all her horrible movies. I love all her great movies. Sliding Doors, Se7en, Shakespeare In Love, Sylvia – loved them all.

I loved her on Oprah talking about her perfect macrobiotic life and “mysterious” marriage to Chris Martin.

She’s absolutely ridiculous and out of touch. I know we could be besties. I really do.

There’s a ton of people who deserve haters; Kim Jong-un, Kim Kardashian, Mark Sanford – you get the point.

But why do people hate GP so much (that’s what dedicated readers to GOOP call her, fyi)?  Speaking of GOOP, her website, they’ve added a new feature. Every month they highlight a different, esoteric, completely-out-of-touch-with-the-majority-of-the-world company. This month it’s Foundwell. If your only worry is how to stock a vintage bar – and money is no object – it’s for you.  And although money is a huge, massive object for me, it’s for me too. Because that kind of flight of fancy doesn’t bother me. It makes me insanely curious. I dream about the people who really do go on the site and see the $950 sterling silver shot cup and say, “finally, I’ve found it”.

So give her a break will ya. She ain’t so bad. She can’t help her rich, untouchable life. She was just born that way.

Hair Apparent

23 Jan 2013 3 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Brave New World Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It was the 80′s.

That’s my defense. I was so young, I didn’t know better. All the popular kids were doing it.  I was lured into it.

And by the way – where were all the parental figures in my life that could have saved me from this fate? Turns out, they were right next to me doing the same thing. Oh well. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – that’s what Kelly Clarkson told me. Anyway, it’s time to come clean now. To open up all my cobwebbed secrets and get them out of my head – or off my head.  It’s time you all know about my deepest, darkest time. Although back then I thought I was happy. I thought I was rockin’ life. I thought I was cool. Sigh. Don’t judge me, just learn from me.  I was addicted to my…

PERM.

Not a long, flowing ringlets perm. This was a short, tight, helmut head perm. And I loved it. I was 10 and delusional.

With all this Michelle Obama bang talk I started thinking about my hair through the years. I rocked my hair styles yo. Sadly, some of the those styles were hideous and scary in hindsight. But that’s normal right? Right?

Listen, I had dark black hair. I couldn’t bleach it or lemon it or turn it funky colors like my blond haired pals (I’m talking to you Kelly Jensen), the most drastic thing I could do was curl it. And boy did I.

Because I’ve been absent from writing for a bit I feel like I owe you all. Big time.

To you from me PinkyLee (any Grease fans out there?).  I added a recent picture of myself so you see that bad 80′s perms really do grow out and because I do not want that picture to be your lasting impression of me. Although it’ll take a while to shake the image from your mind’s eye. Trust me.

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Sorry the old photo is a mess, I had to dig it out of my drawer of shame.

Phew. Now I feel better. Now we are even. All debts are paid. In full.

Only Boring People Get Bored

22 Jan 2013 6 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here’s a random list of all the things I’ve been doing/seeing/eating/buying/worrying about/disliking/loving/wanting in the last few weeks:

  • Every year, in prep for the Oscars, my husband and I try to see all the nominated movies (we’re crazy like that).  This year we’re almost there – minus his absolute resolve to NOT see Le Mis.  I saw it. I started crying during the first scene and haven’t stopped since. 
  • I’ve wanted a nutmeg grinder for a long time. Many a day I strolled into Williams Sonoma, coveted and then walked out. It’s not expensive. But then you start thinking about how much nutmeg you actually use in real life and how absurd it is to have a special little grinder for it – and then the $30 may as well be $3,000.  Long grinder story short – my secret santa gave me the damn grinder for Christmas. And I haven’t used it once. And I probably won’t touch it until next November. But I LOVE it and it makes me insanely happy. Insane being the key word. Picture below.
  • My sister-in-law hurt her leg and spent some quality time with us in the begining of January.  She was trapped on our couch with a giant bag of ice  and looking for a new show to watch – we asked if she had ever seen Breaking Bad – she hadn’t. You know what’s better than finding a good show to watch on Netflix? Watching a good show again with someone who hasn’t ever watched it. It’s like tv philanthropy.
  • Downton Abbey started again – oh happy day! Recent favorite Maggie Smith line, “Don’t mistake vulgarity for wit.” I vote for a Lady Grantham spin-off, who’s in?
  • I went formal dress shopping with my teenage daughter. This should be the name of a new horror movie. Just kiddin’…anyhoo.
  • Tried a new hummus recently. Bobbi’s Hummus. It’s basically 3 parts garlic to 1 part chickpea. Lots of lemon and freshly ground pepper. I love you Bobbi, and your heavy garlic hand.
  • I got a pedicure last week for the first time since hurting my foot – which is still a bit sore.  I went to my favorite nail place. Esther runs it. She’s a nice Korean woman who I’ve gotten to know well enough for her to tell me that her real name isn’t Esther and the other two girls aren’t Anna and Tina. Last summer her son came to work in the shop. We call him Tom but you get the point. Tom does all the pedicures. Just thought you should know.
  • I tried giving up bread for 2.5 seconds on Thursday, January 3rd. Epic fail.
  • Legos are the devil.
  • The end.

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Run for Zee Hills!!!

11 Jan 2013 2 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Brave New World Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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Do you know what this map is? All red and pink and orange and scary? It’s the flu epidemic spreading across the country. I feel my throat closing up as I look at it. Lock up your kids! Don’t open your doors! Wash your hands with bleach! Just kidding. Don’t do that. Last night I went to CVS and there was a line out the door for flu shots. I was there for printer paper.  Have you had your shot? Are you prepared for flu-mageddon? Did you buy stock in Purell? I don’t mean to make light of a very serious issue but I feel like we are being worked into a frenzy. Listen, I’ve seen my fair share of killer disease movies – the classic Outbreak with Dustin Hoffman and the monkey, Contagion with Gwyneth looking uber chic as she spread a virus across Asia- I know when I should be freaking out. Once I see military tanks roaming the streets to keep order and Will Smith in town, I’ll panic. 

By the way, from the look of the map, we all need to move to Idaho, Delaware or Maryland.

 

 

Forget the holly — haul out the Hallmark Movie Channel

17 Nov 2012 5 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in Guest Post Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

GUEST POST alert. RD strikes again!

Some people who know me might be shocked to discover that I am a rabid fan of the sappy holiday movie. Beneath my jaded, hard-bitten, work-a-day veneer lies the mushy heart of a true romantic. Most of the year, I am able to hide this chink in my otherwise sturdy armor, but at the holidays, the jig is up and the tissues are out.

I am not a snob either, of course the classics like It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, are always in heavy rotation, but I am also a sucker for the cheesy, un-original fluff that one is likely to find on Lifetime/Hallmark Channel/ABC Family and the like. Have you seen Holiday in Handcuffs, starring the too-buff Mario Lopez (of Saved by the Bell fame) and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, aka, Melissa Joan Hart? I predict that it will become a new classic. It’s a fun, opposites-attract, Christmas kidnapping caper, that is so unlikely, you almost believe that it must have happened, because who could make that crap up? I LOVE IT!

Some of the other must-sees on my list include:

The Christmas Card — not surprisingly, a Hallmark standby. Starring the great Ed Asner, and some other people I don’t know, it’s a sweet, slightly predictable tale about finding true love where and when you least expect it. Plus it’s set in the Pacific Northwest, so the scenery is breathtaking.

A Holiday Affair — Starring Robert Mitchum and Janet Leigh. Call me Psycho (get it?) but I love this old black and white that you can sometimes catch on Turner Classic Movies. Allegedly, Mitchum was “forced” to make it by his management team because he had been caught smoking pot for like the 100th time, and they thought it would be good for his image. Whatever the reason, he’s dreamy and charming in it, and Janet Leigh is beautiful and gutsy–she had “moxie” or whatever they called it back then. I could do without the weird, pointy bra, but that’s another story.

Christmas In Connecticut — Another black and white sigh-fest starring Barbara Stanwyck. It has some funny, Three’s Company-style hi-jinks, but in the end, the right couple ends up together, and there’s lots of snow, and sleigh rides in a rural New England setting that looks like it’s straight out of a Currier and Ives print. I try to watch it twice if I can.

The Holiday — This is a semi-new fave, that I’m sure is much more familiar to most people. What can I say? Jack Black, Kate Winslet, Jude Law. Lots of house-porn with a luxe California beach home and a quaint English cottage. “Meet cutes” and witty, snappy dialog make it even better. Oh, and Cameron Diaz is in it too, but I don’t let that stop me from watching it with a bottle of wine…I mean, glass of wine.

There are many more I could list, but this entry is probably already much longer than WMEP anticipated. Besides, I heard Love Actually is coming on soon, so I have to go anyway….

Pop Culture Vulture – Fall Edition

17 Oct 2012 5 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ll start with the Real Housewives dynasty. I think we’re done. I don’t know if I’m bored or growing up, but I’ve had enough. The fake tans, the fake problems, the fake boobs…everyone needs to a good hot bath.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey:

The Reunion(s): I love Andy Cohen but how could he? Three episodes of the reunion! Outrageous. This season was all about Melissa being a stripper (or not) and …nothing else. That’s literally what the entire 9 episode arch was about. Riveting. But it’s not your fault. I still watched.

The Real Housewives of New York:

I’m not sure what the season was about. But I have been obsessed with the new ladies that joined the show. Aviva with her fake leg, Heather with her girdle empire and Carole with those insanely uneven lips. Yes Ramona drank and Sonja didn’t make sense – and when will Luann finally admit she’s really Louis in a dress? She’s got more testosterone than most men I know.

Moving away from Bravo and diving right into TLC – which has more trashy shows now than HBO after dark.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:

I know many people around the country are up in arms about this show. They’ve called it exploitive, creepy, and sad. I call it genius. I love me the Thompsons. You know why? They are completely in on the joke. They are laughing at each other as we laugh at them. I think it’s a cheeky, hilarious good time – and I for one am thrilled that they’ll be making some cash. Bless their hearts.

My life isn’t all about reality shows you know…

Dexter:

Last season sucked. Where is the serial killer I first fell in love with? Trinity was the last good bad guy we had together. Then we slid into Julia Stiles – I can’t even remember what that was about. And what happened to your Dad? No more advice from beyond the grave? Sigh. I miss the good old days – like when  Dexter would chop up a bad guy and be back in time for a police briefing.

Boardwalk Empire:

After last season’s Jimmy/Mommy issues I’m very excited by Bobby Cannavale and his demented character.  Suspicious, untrusting, evil and funny. All my favorite characteristics in a gangster.

Homeland:

Carrie has lost it. Again. After electro-therapy she’s teaching English at a local college when she’s asked to go to Beirut to meet an old informant – foreign espionage ensues. Is this the best show on TV? I think so. I love Claire Danes, but can we talk about Mandy Patinkin? I’ve always been a fan. From his Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride to his turn as the evil Huxley in Elmo in Grouchland (which I had to watch 1,800 times with my son).  Anyone?

So there you have it. How I spend my free time. Help me.

You had me at cheesy story line

18 Sep 2012 8 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , ,

 

My favorite bad movie was on last night. Step Mom. I know. It’s awful. I love it. I had gotten home late from work – everyone was fed (sort of) and sleeping (playing with electronics illegally in their room).  My husband was in REM sleep by 10pm. I was all alone with the TV.

You know when you’re aimlessly hunting for something to watch and you hit the jackpot? No? You’re out living life and working out? Whatever.

Well I was thrilled to find it on. Have you seen the film? It’s about a woman who gets engaged to a man with 2 kids and becomes….you guessed it…..the Step Mom. Except – there’s a twist!  The actual mom gets cancer and the family is forced to get along – stale, predictable dialogue ensues. I loved every second of it.

Do you have movies that you have to watch when they are on? Movies that you just cannot turn off? Groundhog Dog? Pretty Woman? Jaws?

 

Is it time for bed yet?

07 Sep 2012 8 Comments

by wifemothereventplanner in I need to tell you about this right now Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

It’s September 7th.

I’m exhausted. Here’s what I’ve been doing this week:

  • Kids are a week deep in school. My son’s allergies are in full swing – bloody nose and all.  I’ve already explained to the school nurse that he’s totally fine, he’s not in any pain – it just looks like a crime scene from Dexter. On that note – I love that show but I’m not sure if they will ever get back to the glory days of The Ice Truck killer. I digress.
  • I went to NYC twice this week. I took a picture each day because I felt like I was in Groundhog day (do you love that movie like I love that movie? Bing!). Same gray day. Same me. Almost same view trapped in a tower.

  • I’m looking forward to two things: the weekend, and my Vanity Fair coming in the mail.  Did you know there was a Scientology Dating process? Me neither. I’ll report back when I have all the vital info.
  • One of the best things about going to NYC is that I get to read The New York Daily Post. Oh how I love that paper. None of that smart, fair reporting that other papers get stuck on. Just ridiculous headlines with a bias slant.  Some of my recent favorites: “Headless Body found in Topless Bar”, Bradley Cooper movie review title, “Bradley’s Stupor”.  ”Forgive Me Father, For I Have Killed. A Priest Confesses”.
  • Ended a Back-to-School night in the best way possible – at a bar. Thank the lord for non-judgemental mothers who don’t look at me with disgust when I suggest we have a drink after the teacher meetings.  Ok – full disclosure – I actually wanted to skip the meeting but they made me go.

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