Camp Sob Sob

I’ve been out of sorts. Not myself. A little distracted.  My kids left for camp today.  I won’t see them, hear them, hug them, kiss them, yell at them for 2 weeks. For the last 2 days I’ve been running around trying to pack all the necessary things they need to replace my love…err…I mean…to survive in the woods.  We packed and labeled all 1,000 items.  We talked about appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior (telling jokes, appropriate. burping jokes, not appropriate.)

So the boy said goodbye to the cat, the girl said goodbye to her phone – and they were ready.

I’ve been pretending to be really excited and happy – and I am. A little. But I’m also insanely, out-of-my-mind nervous for them.  I’ve had a sick, twisted feeling for days. This can’t be right. Dropping your kids off in the middle of the wood with no electricity to total strangers? I must be nuts. I’ve been trying to talk to my husband about it but he’s too busy looking up all the movies we’re going to see and restaurants we’ll be trying. I always knew I loved them more.

In defense of my husband’s total lack of freak out, I’ll say this  - he went to camp his whole childhood. He loved it – went with all the his cousins and stayed for weeks.  Now here’s a shocker. I did not. I stayed home all summer and caught up on General Hospital and Family Feud.  The closest I came to camp was a job as a counselor one summer – but that was for a long weekend and I was 18.

A girlfriend of mine told me about a New York Times article on “parental campsickness”.  I read the piece. I fit every broad generalization they made.  I’m a cliché. I don’t care.

I have been trying very hard not to make the kids nervous and anxious with all my issues – so I decided to focus on the positive (they’ll have so much fun I’ll have to drag them out of camp!) and not the negative (there are 2,867 ways to die in the woods, really).

I decided to write the kids letters they could read on the first night at camp – filled with advice, love and dried tears.

And off we went.

The camp was beautiful – the girls on one side of the lake – and the boys on the other.

The first camp challenge:  you must learn to pronounce your camp names! Good luck with that.

 

The kids found their cabins and met their groups – and I held it together almost the whole time.

This is what I found on the kitchen table when I got home.  The letters I was supposed to sneak to the counselors so the kids could get mail tonight at dinner.  Typical.  Keepin’ it real.

Say what?

I know some very funny people who crack me up all the time. Here’s some of my favorite quotes.  Not from famous people. Just from my people.

 
“I was going to go to Vegas on my 40th Birthday, but I got a divorce instead” - said by genius new friend within 10 minutes of meeting each other.  That’s how I knew she was my kind of folk.  I think this is what her memoir should be called!

“Money isn’t life mom.” – said by an 8-year-old boy in Target who wanted to buy a $50 Lego set.  Lego sets….I think they were the real cause of the ’08 financial meltdown.

“How can I fly with eagles when I’m surrounded by turkeys?” - said by an old co-worker who dropped jewels like this all the time. She is missed.

“Middle School is the ultimate rated R movie mom!” – said by a 13-year-old girl trying to convince her mother of letting her watch rated R movies (great quote – answer is still NO).

“I’ll just be here in the corner, chewing on wet cigarettes butts if you need me” - said by the most hysterical person I’ve ever worked with.  She can find a funny sliver lining on any situation – thank god for her.

“Is that a taco?” - said by a friend who was confronted at a party by someone he had been ignoring for months.  When cornered and asked to explain his disappearance he panicked and said the now famous line and walked away. There were no tacos anywhere.  I think I peed my pants that night. This line is now ubiquitous with any situation in my life that warrants getting out of dodge fast!

Sweet sweet summer

It’s hot here.  Really hot.  Frizzy hair hot.  The kind of hot that only a large body of water can help.  Not that I would ever swim in an ocean, or a pool – but that’s another story.

Anyway, it’s this heat that inspired this post.  My kids, like all kids, love the summer.  Their father taught them how to swim – and they do – like fish.  We try to head towards the ocean come July.  When I started looking at some of our old water migration photos – I noticed a trend.  See if you can spot it….or lick it.

I call these – the ice cream chronicles.  From Montauk, to Lake George, to Mexico and Cape Cod.  We’ve eaten treats all over the hemisphere. Like mother like kids. The last two shots were taken by my daughter, who will no longer let me take sloppy food shots of her (doesn’t she love me?).

Is a fair weather fan better than no fan at all?

     

(Doesn’t that title remind you of something Carrie would start her column off with on Sex and The City?  No? Just me?  Ok then….)

Although we live in Phillies country – we are Yankees fans all the way.  I mean…. we’re all the way once they get to the playoffs, or series, or bowl or whatever.  I married one of the few men in the world who is not a sports fanatic (he saves his obsessive behavior for music and technology).

When we had kids, he taught them all the important things:  Bruce Springsteen is a god, Elton John/Bernie Taupin are the best singer/song writer collaboration, the sound system in a car/house/yard/bar makes or breaks a good time, etc.

My girl was 12 before she knew who A-Rod was, and that was only because I had talked about his break-up with Cameron Diaz.  I was rooting for them.  Although I’m always rooting for Cameron, I have a soft spot for her.

Anyway – when my son was born, things started changing.  He loves all things baseball, basketball, football, he’s all over it. He wears only “sporty” clothes (no jeans or khakis, incase a freestyle game breaks out on the playground at recess).

So, to be fair-minded parents who don’t just hurl our own likes and dislikes on the kids – we became kinda-sorta fans of many different sports teams.  In the end, the only one that stuck were the Bronx Bombers.

Last summer, we took our kids to their (and my) first Yankee game.  It was super exciting.  The new stadium is beautiful – and the food!  Why didn’t anyone tell me about the food!!  Peanuts and Cracker Jack?  No way!  How about garlic fries with chipotle aioli …. how about double dark chocolate milk shakes with malted whipped cream…how about IPA’s from all over the East Coast?!!  Baseball rocks.

The game was good too.  Who played against them that night?  It was Baltimore, or Boston, or Birmingham I think.  It was a B name for sure.  Who won?  Hard to remember all those details.

Back to the initial question – is a fair weather fan better than no fan at all?  What if I told you we bought ridiculously expensive sporting attire to wear to the game?  Would that help our fandom?

Let the wild rumpus start! (anyone? anyone?)

    

 

This is my boy and his best bud.  When they aren’t wilding the neighborhood (more on that later) – they climb.

Trees, fences, big rocks, barriers to sewers – nothing can stop them.  They pack a snack, they make plans, and they go.

Sometimes they come back with a nice wild flower or funny story.  Most times they have be hunted down and brought to justice for being late for soccer or baseball or piano or life.

After raising a girl who likes to do “inside” things like her Mom, it was a shock to my system to get this little monkey.  But I’m catching on.  I yell.  A lot.

There are more than just these two hooligans in the gang – but I need to ease you into this life of crime.

We’re gonna need a bigger boat, or a better vacation

I’m not the only freak in my marriage.  Here’s proof.  Last year, my kids and I got bamboozled into what we thought was a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard.  It was actually the Jaws“ tour.

Brody’s house? Saw it.  The beach that the Kinter boy’s raft washed up on?  Went there.  The docks where Quint took the Orca out to kill the fish with Brody and Hooper?  Spent an afternoon there.  Oh well – my kids will need something to tell their future therapist, this is good enough.

Why should we have to suffer alone….below are a few of the stops on the tour.

   happy naive family gets off the ferry expecting vacation

 the aforementioned docks…

. Town Hall where Brody fought to shut the beach down    Something happened here, but I can’t remember

Cast/crew stayed here during filming (yep, stayed there)

  Jaws bridge – spot where the shark went from the ocean to the bay (or something).  Apparently everyone jumps off it. That’s my girl jumping off – squeezing in some fun.

Let me know if you’d like to go, I’ve got a very willing guide.

Yes, it happened 13 years ago – Yes, I’ll stop talking about it soon

I had my daughter at 26.  Are you off the floor?  Have you recovered?  I know in most parts of the world this is totally normal – but in the Tri-state area, we were freaks (did I tell you we got married at 24?)

Here’s another zinger – we planned it that way.  Let me clarify.  We wanted to start a family early – we just didn’t realize it would happen instantaneously because I’m a fertile mertile.

We were thrilled, scared, happy and a little crazy.  So while all our friends went out to paint the town red, we stayed in and painted a hallway yellow – and called it a nursery.

The first few months after she was born were a blur.   I was not the earth mother I thought I would be (breastfeeding? no thanks!)  But eventually I got my mojo back, shook off the mild depression and decided to leave the apartment.

We lived just a few blocks away from a small neighborhood park .   I decided to pack up the baby and go for a walk.

I had grand plans.  The baby was too small to play so I would sit on a bench, maybe connect with some other moms, offer parenting tips, etc..

I took a spot in the middle of all the action, a ton of kids playing, a bunch of women sitting around – perfect.  Then, one of the other “moms” turned to me and said, “How long have you been watching the baby?” “Is the family nice?”.  Hmm?   Excuse me?  Oh.  OH.  It took me a few seconds to figure it out –  like a scene in a horror movie where the camera pans wide and you suddenly see the big picture.  I was in a sea of nannies – and I fit right in.

Any normal human being would have corrected them and gone on with their lives.  Not this human.  I was so stunned and shocked that I just played along for an hour and never went back.

The baby and her nanny

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