The point of this blog is?

When I sit down to write this blog – usually very late into the night or very early in the morning – I debate about the things I want to tell you.  Do I share my political and sociological views? Do I tell you an amusing (to me) story about my kiddies or husband? Do I use it as a pulpit to voice my very strong opinions on restaurants not buttering toast anymore (an outrage!)?

I do have stories of my semi-twisted childhood to share – and other stories of how I’m making a semi-twisted childhood for my own kids – but then something silly happens. And I need to let you know. Immediately.

Yesterday I went to go get the mail. And hilarity ensued. Not really.

We are very fortunate to have good neighbors – I’ve heard plenty of horror stories to know that.  As I’m getting the mail, I ran into our fantastic retired neighbor walking her dog. She stopped to chat – I have a ton in common with retired folks. Mentally I’m half way there.

As we chatted, I opened the mailbox.  The only thing we’d gotten is our Restoration Hardware Fall catalog.  She stopped talking.  ”Is that a magazine?”, she asked.  Um. Nope. It’s a home good store…”I’ve never seen a catalog so thick. It’s like a dictionary!” She was horrified. “Isn’t that awful how they waste paper.” “I’m shocked that in this day and age of going green stores still waste their money on that.” I clutched the book harder and harder as she talked. I was nodding the whole time, giving her the appearance of solidarity.  We laughed about the craziness of it all and I told her I was just as shocked.

But inside. Deep inside. I loved the catalog. I wished it were twice as thick. Killing twice as many trees.

We said our goodbyes and I quickly went back inside to flip through every inch of that evil thing.

This is why I can’t write about national and global issues.  When I sit down and think about the things you need to know – stuff like this climbs right to the top.  I have very smart friends and family who tell me they could never write a blog – too much work. To them I say, behold. A post about…a very thick catalog.  I’m pretty sure a monkey could do this.

Here’s the culprit that derailed what would have been a very smart and intellectual post. Not.

*please note that the Ikea catalogs are thicker, but smaller in overall size.

 

 

 

 

 

Clue

I live with Hansel.

Every day, everywhere he goes, he leaves a clue. A crumb. A toy.

He marks his territory all day long. I’ve been here. This space is mine.

Darth Vadar is always our coffee table centerpiece.  Who needs Pottery Barn. On another note – that’s our favorite blanket in the back. We call it – the tiger blanket.  A future post is in the works.

At dinner we move the Nerf football, DS games and random picture of Superman to the side.

Some light(ning) reading in the kitchen?

Pictures of family AND Star Wars on Blue Ray – what could be better

Rubber band gun incase Ms. Tatyana gets out of line. And finally…

A Lego Cherokee miniature to keep you company in the bathroom.

I do make him put his stuff away – but it’s like holding back a dam.

The positive? At any given moment I can tell where he’s been and what he’s been doing.

Home Clean Home

You know that horror movie about the deformed, crazy people that live under the stairs?

This is what lives under our stairs – and it’s just as scary.

Every time I open the door I’m reminded that I haven’t dusted, cleaned, scrubbed or wiped anything to a streak free shine.

It reminds me of the cleaning supply shopping spree I went on that one Saturday when it was raining and I didn’t have the kids with me.  How I had planned to come home and clean the house old school.  Down on my hands and knees scrubbing – maybe even wearing those yellow dish gloves (which I also bought).  I even bought vinegar.  Besides salad dressing, I have no idea how to use vinegar.

Then, by the time I had gotten home, there were more pressing needs. Children were hungry and I was expected to feed them. And TV shows needed to be watched. Bravo needs me.

Eventually, like the creepy kids under the stairs, I left these supplies for dead.

I need an exorcism, or maybe just a good maid referral.

p.s. – I almost fixed the cord on the vacuum before taking this picture.  But that would be a gross misrepresentation of reality. You’re welcome.

Design Envy

Did I ever tell you that I work from home? I do. It’s swell.

Last summer, when I decided to make the switch, my husband suggested we convert our guest room into a home office. We ripped up the old carpet, put down wood floors, got rid of our old futon, painted the room, bought a sofa bed, desk and chair and then…nothing. I haven’t done another thing to it.  I sit there staring at blank walls and no window coverings.  I did buy a cool rug – but it’s way too small for the room.

 

Blank space in our house is no surprise.  The walls in my living, dining room and family room were empty for a good 3 years after we moved in.  Even now people use the words “open” “uncluttered” and “low-key” to describe the house, when I think they really mean “undecorated” “unadorned” “sterile” and “boring”.  We do have pictures of our kids up – a LOT of pictures – but that doesn’t count.

I watch those HGTV shows and get mildly inspired to do something different. And then – nothing.

You know what doesn’t help? A husband who would live in a plain, white box if he could.  His idea of clutter is what normal people call living.

Sorry – displacing my anger. It’s not his fault. I just have decorating paralysis (except at Christmas – when I turn into Holly Holiday and it looks like the North Pole threw-up in my house).

One of my good friends in NYC knows how to do it. She’s got an amazing eye for all things beautiful.  When I had gone to see her a few weeks ago, I secretly snapped these photos. I’m sure she won’t mind me sharing them with the world (on that note, welcome to my blog Israel and the Netherlands, I’m glad to have you!).

A few years ago she went on a camping trip out west and took some amazing shots. She’s a great photog too – annoying right?

She simply enlarged the photo and had it printed on canvas. Perfect. Why can’t I do that? Well, I can. But will I? Probably not.

Try to ignore the stunning woodwork on the walls, the beautiful club chairs and country bench and focus on the canvas art.

 

She had it done through one of the many websites doing canvas printing. I love it. I hereby promise to do something creative and fun with my home! Maybe.

She also had a smaller one done for the entry hall – this is another one of her photographs.

You should see her kitchen. So great. I couldn’t take a secret picture of that because she was in there the whole time.

There’s always my next visit.

Arty Farty Party

Because most of Pennsylvania has turned Caribbean – it rained this morning, hard.  Now it’s sunny, hot and sticky. I had warned the kids that I’d be on work calls for a good 6 to 10 hours and they’d need to fend for themselves – just another Tuesday around here.  So they came to me with a unified plan of attack to occupy the morning, and because I was still half asleep, distracted and we had most of the supplies – I agreed.

They found an art project on YouTube.  See – the internet isn’t evil.

If you’re a mom (or me) you know that moment when your kid comes to you with an art project….sheer dread. The mess, the fights, the….the glitter. The horror.

But this was different. Only a few steps needed – and it was something they could really do on their own.  Here’s what the finished product looks like:

Here’s what you need: a plain white canvas, a glue gun (or two if you don’t want fights) and a box of crayons (or two…you know why). You’ll also need a hair dryer.

Cover your work area with newspapers or garbage bags.  I tried to cover the kids with garbage bags too but they wouldn’t let me.

Line up all the crayons on the canvas in whatever pattern you like – we went with rainbow order. Hot glue gun them into place. This is the point where my boy decided he’d had enough and left all the heavy lifting to his sister.

Once all the crayons are glued on – stand the canvas up,  zap with the hair dryer and watch the Jackson Pollackesque magic.

Look at that beauty. I always knew my kids were special.

Once you have the hang of it – you can crazy – look at the possibilities!  I see a Christmas card in here somewhere.

Smellog

I’ve sent a few care packages this week – sniff sniff…

But the other day, I got a care package of my own.  One of my BFFs sent me a box full of treats and I think you all need to know about it.  I wish blogs were scratch and sniff so you could experience these little babies for yourself.  They are amazing.

Candles from Fifth&Madison. I first found them at the Bryant Park Holiday fair in NYC.  We walked by the little tent selling them and literally stopped in our tracks – it smelled like heaven.  Heaven made of juniper, jasmine and grapefruit.

 

Yankee Candle eat your heart out. Actually I’m not a fan of Yankee Candle – does that make me less patriotic?  Would it help if I said I also dislike 98.5% of the scented candles out there.  Most are too strong. Too fake. Too smelly.

These make me feel fancy, like I’m in glamorous hotel lobby when I light them.  A glamorous hotel lobby littered with shoes, Wii remotes and to-go coffee cups. Whatever.

Just go out and buy them. Do it. You’ll be happy. You’ll be fancy.

 

The bird woman of bucks county

Last year I started noticing a small, chirping little trend in the things I was buying.

All of a sudden – I liked birds.  All kinds of birds.

At first it was roosters on a sugar canister – very cute.  Then I got a rooster light switch plate, hmmm….nice.

Then came a  rooster decorative plaque on the wall – uh oh.

Then I noticed my ikea mirrors that I decoupaged with toile paper napkins – with roosters.

I pretended it was a French/country inspired thing.  I’m not a cooky old bird woman.  Roosters are a cool, urban-meets-country-meets Provence thing.  It’s not like I’m into pigeons or something.

But roosters were my gateway bird.

I moved on to all kinds of birds.  I found these ceramic birds at a craft fair or Pier One, I forget.

For Christmas, a good friend who’d noticed my sudden bird love gave us this beautiful peacock plate.

A few weeks ago, I thought my downstairs bathroom needed some jazzing up.

With birds.

What’s the big deal? At least I don’t have any bird sweaters or jewelry or something…urr..wait. Never mind.

Here’s my decent into madness.  Send help.

        

I won’t even mention that “The Big Year” is my new favorite movie.  Take a wild geese, I mean, guess what it’s about.

Freak like me?

I’ve already told you all that I’m nosey.  I need to know stuff.  Stuff like….what’s in your refrigerator?

I have no interest in your medicine cabinet.  I don’t care how many carats your ring is or how much you paid for your house.  You know what’s fascinating to me?  People who don’t have milk and orange juice in the fridge.  Wild right?  I imagine them living bohemian lives and living off the grid.  Too much? Real Magazine used to have a regular feature on celebrity refrigerators, which I loved, even though many of them were identical to each other (no food, water, champagne, diet coke, no food).

I think it says a lot about a person/family/unit.  For example, you’d think we were farmers with all the diary we’ve got hanging around.

I grew up with a mom who made every meal from scratch.  Her fridge, even today, looks like it could feed a small country.  She also does not subscribe to universal expiration date rules (milk and juice? check!)

I have a dear friend who lives in NYC who has the most amazing galley kitchen.  Her fridge is a man’s dream.  Just enough food, booze and pork product to make a dude happy (she always has milk and orange juice, fyi).

Here’s what we have going on.

   

  

 

Coffee-mate:  essential to my happy life.

That’s a big tub of sour cream…not sure what that’s all about.

GoGurt: if you don’t have kids, you’ll be disgusted.  If you have kids, all hail Spongebob GoGurt!

Two types of chocolate sauce, both really fake and really good.

Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce: put it on cardboard, everyone will eat it up (except me, bbq sauce reminds me of meat, even when it’s on other things).

Cheese….blue, feta, cheddar – we do not discriminate in this house.

 

Am I the only weirdo into this?  Don’t answer that.

Cake for breakfast

 You know those families that have dinner every night at 6?  That has never been us.  My husband walks in the door at 7:30pm on most nights – if we’re lucky.  When the kids were younger we lived even further from his job.  He’d leave at 6am and walk in the door at 9pm.  If someone had a birthday during the week – cake for breakfast was the only way to celebrate.  Since then we’ve done it whether we needed to or not.

I guess the other option would have been to not have cake at all – but that’s just crazy.  What are we, savages?

ps – that shirt fit him the night before this picture was taken.  Also – she requested the store bought cake – I swear.

Next Newer Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 228 other followers