Come on knock on our door…

Everyday I slip closer and closer to becoming Mrs. Roper.
Do you know who that is? Three’s Company. Jack, Chrissy, and the other one..Mindy? I dunno. Anyway, I have to be careful.
I looked in the mirror this morning and thought, “uh oh. Getting close to the edge.”
If I start wearing a tropical mumu please slap me.
Here’s a comparison.
I’ll be looking for yellow beads.
(Notice the beams of light hitting my big, fat beads. I think that’s Audra Lindley who played Mrs. Roper giving me her blessing from heaven)

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Fly Guy

I flew back home last night on a delayed flight that got me home at about midnight. So, approximately 14 hours at the airport, in transit and on the tarmac. Awesome.

But there was a silver lining. I met Leo. The French Australian gay man of my dreams. Here’s what I learned about him during our travels together:

  • He grew up in Versailles. He laughed when I made my Marie Antoinette joke and asked if he lived in the main palace or the petit appartement de la reine..  I’m completely sure he’s never heard that before.
  • His father and mother are both tailors. He has 4 sisters who are all still in France. He went to school to become an accountant but realized he wanted to join the family business.
  • He has lived in Australia with his boyfriend for 20+ years. They almost adopted a baby some years back but spent the money on a vacation instead.
  • He had a stroke at 30 and was blind for 4 months.
  • At one point in the conversation he said in a very thick French/Australian accent,” I ADORE your scarf.” Then I regaled him with the story of said scarf. Bought in Paris (kismet!) by my husband. It’s a beautiful blue with what look like dark boxes from afar. Close up they are TVs. Yes. TVs.
  • As we watched Safe Haven together on the flight (it was awful, I still cried at the end), I convinced him to download Sleeping With The Enemy – a much superior woman-runs-from-abusive-relationship-to-small-town movie. He admitted that he thinks Julia Roberts looks like a horse and he doesn’t know why Americans love her. I then spent 20 minutes talking about Pretty Woman, “incase I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight”, “Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?”. Come on. You can’t hate Vivian.
  • He asked for 2 inflight meals and polished off both in an instant – which was surprising because he was small enough to carry in my pocket.
  • When he first boarded the flight he walked right over to the seat and said, “hello friend”.  Like Little Bill. That’s when I knew I’d love him forever.

By request – pics of my scarf.

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Hair Apparent

It was the 80’s.

That’s my defense. I was so young, I didn’t know better. All the popular kids were doing it.  I was lured into it.

And by the way – where were all the parental figures in my life that could have saved me from this fate? Turns out, they were right next to me doing the same thing. Oh well. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – that’s what Kelly Clarkson told me. Anyway, it’s time to come clean now. To open up all my cobwebbed secrets and get them out of my head – or off my head.  It’s time you all know about my deepest, darkest time. Although back then I thought I was happy. I thought I was rockin’ life. I thought I was cool. Sigh. Don’t judge me, just learn from me.  I was addicted to my…

PERM.

Not a long, flowing ringlets perm. This was a short, tight, helmut head perm. And I loved it. I was 10 and delusional.

With all this Michelle Obama bang talk I started thinking about my hair through the years. I rocked my hair styles yo. Sadly, some of the those styles were hideous and scary in hindsight. But that’s normal right? Right?

Listen, I had dark black hair. I couldn’t bleach it or lemon it or turn it funky colors like my blond haired pals (I’m talking to you Kelly Jensen), the most drastic thing I could do was curl it. And boy did I.

Because I’ve been absent from writing for a bit I feel like I owe you all. Big time.

To you from me PinkyLee (any Grease fans out there?).  I added a recent picture of myself so you see that bad 80’s perms really do grow out and because I do not want that picture to be your lasting impression of me. Although it’ll take a while to shake the image from your mind’s eye. Trust me.

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Sorry the old photo is a mess, I had to dig it out of my drawer of shame.

Phew. Now I feel better. Now we are even. All debts are paid. In full.

You know what they say about big earrings….

We are having a neighborhood yard sale on Saturday, and like a glutton for punishment I’ve signed up again (technically I forgot to sign-up but my responsible neighbor who knew I wanted to participate did it for me – soon there will be a blog titled,”people who carry me through life.”).

What I forget every year is that I live with the ultimate thrower-outer.  We have no extra stuff.  I’ve told you all – we hardly have stuff.

So I decided to go through my jewelry and maybe get rid of some of the outdated pieces.  As I’m sitting on my bed, digging through, reminiscing about where/how/with whom I wore each thing, my girl bounces in the room and says,” you know what you should write a blog about? How you love really big earrings.”

What? I wear really big earrings? No. Stop it. I wear normal earrings. They aren’t what you would call dainty or demure – but really big? Was that a complement? Was she trying to tell me something? Should I be worried? Nah. My earrings are all regular sized.  Nothing to see here folks. Move along.

Except for these….

And these are a tad big, I admit it.

And maybe these are slightly on the larger end….statement pieces is how I like to think of them.

I knew these were big but I bought them for special occasions. Like going to the grocery store.

Ok those are not bracelets – those things are massive. Taylor Dayne big (anyone? anyone?).  Point taken.  I wear really big earrings.

Mista Mayor

Photo Circa 1994. Me and then newly minted Mayor of NYC , Rudolph Giuliani. We were at the Pen & Sword Honor Society dinner at my college, he was the keynote that night, and an alum.  It took me all night to work up the nerve to go meet him… when I finally did, all I could say was,” My birthday is May 28th too!”. He just smiled and laughed. I think a security guard moved in closer and someone took the picture. That was it. Not sure how I got into the honor society. Here’s my main observations about this photo:

  • I rocked that tuxedo top I borrowed from my roommate.
  • Those earrings weren’t even close to being the biggest ones I owned.
  • See that hair…that’s my pre-marriage, pre-babies, frizz free, never-touched-a-flat-iron hair. I would trade one of my kids for that hair now.
  • Not sure why I felt the need to wear white eye shadow – maybe to draw extra attention to my unkept brows?
  • What I remember most about the night is that I was too chicken to tell the waiter I didn’t eat chicken – and since I wouldn’t eat anything on the plate with the chicken I hid in the bathroom until dessert was served.

Good times.

Event Planning 101

This picture was taken at The Ritz in Denver.  It was a sample wedding setting.  I thought it was hideous.  Almost painfully ugly.

I walked by it and snapped a pic so I could make fun of it later, in detail.  About a second after I had taken the picture, two women walked by and said, “omg, that is stunning!”  While we were there that night – at least 5 other women commented on how great it looked.  Maybe I had better taste then them.  Maybe they didn’t really know what style was…or maybe I just needed to calm down.

I keep this picture on my phone to remind myself that just because I think it, doesn’t make it true.  It’s my opinion, a preference – not bible.  Amen.

It just looks like crack….

I love face and body products.  Scrubs, masks, lotions, creams– sign me up.  You say it’ll take a layer of skin off?  Bring it.

So randomly, whether you like it or not, I’ll post new products that I’m in love with.

This is a vitamin C booster powder from Philosophy….it comes in a small vile with a tiny spoon and did I mention it’s a fluffy white powder?  It’s meant to be mixed with an oil/serum thingie.  It’s awesome.  It’s as close to living on the edge as I’ll ever get.

           mix with this… 

What products do you use and/or abuse?  Inquiring obsessive minds need to know.

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