You know what people who are married for 17 years fight about?
No? It’s none of your business? Sure it is. I’ll tell you.
Yes, there’s the big stuff like money, kids, etc. All those things are stressful and cause all kinds of agita. But here’s what can really drive a marriage off the rails.
Let me set the stage.
I’m not a garden gal. I’ve tried to grow vegetables and herbs (yes even basil) and had no luck. I’ve tried to keep flowering plants alive but ended up burying most of them. But this summer I fell in love with a big, beautiful hydrangea bush in our back yard. I’m pretty sure it’s been there since we moved in but I’ve been busy and hadn’t noticed. For the last few weeks I’ve been watering it, weeding it, tending to it like crazy. And it’s been beautiful relationship. I love it and take care it and in return, it gives me big, colorful blooms that I can use in the house.
Then, last week, I had to go into New York City for the day. When I came back I noticed all our shrubs had been trimmed and cleaned up. Four years ago my husband found this dude, Edgar, who comes in every week in the summer to do our lawn. Edgar and his crew usually make quick work of things that we just can’t get to. Awesome right?
When I went to the back to water my lovely plant - this is what I found.
It had been butchered. Chopped. Deflowered.
I immediately called my husband and told him what went down.
“oh”, he said.
“oh no! You need to call him and tell him his crew killed my plant!”, I calmly but passionately stated.
So that night he called Edgar and said something along the lines of,”uh..hey Edgar…my wife is pissed because I think you guys trimmed too much from a bush in the back.” Then there was laughing and smirking and it ended with a,”it’s no big deal man….”
Let’s just say we had some “words” when he got off the phone.
He said I was treating Edgar like “the help” and I reminded him that he WAS the help. That’s what his role in our lives is. I’m not saying he’s a lesser human or anything – I’m saying he provides a service. If that service is f’d up – then he needs to own up to it.
Am I nuts? Don’t answer that.
Back to my main point – if my marriage goes down, it won’t be because of an affair or because my husband doesn’t buy me jewelry or crap like that. It’ll be because he didn’t have a fight with Edgar.
Makes sense right?
Here’s the picture I’ll be looking at whenever I want to enjoy my hydrangea plant.