It’s time for bed

I’m so tired.

Wanna know how tired I am?

10 minutes ago an Xfinity sales person came a knockin’ on our door.

Before I even had the thing opened all the way he started talking.

Did I know my neighbor just saved thousands of dollars – no millions of dollars. Don’t I like to save money? What’s my package like? Doesn’t my family deserve more? Aren’t I a good person? What’s my favorite thing to do – watch TV right? (that freaked me out. how did he know?)

We had Wizard of Oz type of wind last night and most of today, and now the temperatures have dropped. It’s like 4 degrees out there. Or less. It’s frigid.

And I’m barefoot. I’ve opened the door to this fast talking man who is completely dressed for the weather. Xfinity must treat him right. Parka. Scarf. Gloves. The whole deal.

So I try to be polite and say,”oh…no thank you. We’re good.” And he keeps talking. “We aren’t going to switch”, I say.  He’s talking even faster now. “You must be freezing, you should go back to your car”, I say. No dice.

I had no choice. I had to just start shutting the door. As I was closing it in his face, I warmly said,”I’m so sorry, thanks so much, have a good night, love you”.

“love you”.

Sigh.

It’s time for bed.

Pop Culture Vulture – 2013 edition

Here are the 3 things on my television set that keep me from getting the 12 hours of sleep I need at night.

imgres I know everyone’s been talking about this show. BUT it’s just so freaking good. I won’t reveal the juicy, devastating details of this season but I’m telling you – it’s epic. Thank you Masterpiece Theater – I haven’t been this happy since the Colin Firth edition of Pride and Prejudice.

imgres-1 Let’s just say that I was the one person still watching 30 Rock and memorizing funny lines when I heard it was ending this week. This show is the perfect replacement. Mindy is my new Liz Lemon. She gets bonus points for being Indian. Even if you’re not Indian, or don’t know any Indians, or thought she was actually Dominican or something, you’ll love this show. LOL people. LOL.

imgresI know. This show is on MTV. The channel that brought us The Jersey Shore, Teen Mom and other signals of the Armageddon.  But I saw the movie a few years back and I didn’t hate it. I thought it was kind of sad. People online pretending to be other people.  They sometimes have long, sordid relationships where the other person thinks they are the boy/girl of their dreams and…not so much. Mary the cheerleader turns out to be Mike the 50 year old living in the basement. Sad and Dysfunctional.  You take that combo, throw in a big reveal at the end of each episode, and I’m in! Laugh if you will, but as everyone was shaking their head in disbelief over Manti te’o, I just thought to myself,” another victim of a catfish.” See. It’s actually educational.

p.s. the margins on this post aren’t cooperating. I would spend time fixing them but my kids aren’t cooperating either and I’ve chosen to fix them instead.

Mad Mad Monday

This quote sums up all 14 conversations I’ve had today. And it’s only 11am.
People are batshit crazy. Myself included. Am I wrong? Do you find people to be looney too? I’m talking to you dude in the white jeep who thought I was racing him at the light! I wasn’t. And by the way, IF I wanted to, my Subaru would leave your ass in the dust. FYI.

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Come on Tuesday…

Tea Party

Most of my weekend was spent in like this…

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On Sunday I was lured out to the mall with the fam. The boys went in search of….something. Not pertinent. And my daughter and I found our way to Teavana. Actually she pushed us that way. My girl loves a spot of tea. She takes it black with a little sweetness incase you’re wondering. She’s obsessed with this place. Have you been? It’s like a faux zen garden. Lots of confused Asian imagery everywhere. Is it Chinese? Is it Indian? In the end, at $16 an ounce, it doesn’t matter.
Don’t get me wrong. I come from a tea family. Chai was a regular word in our house long before Starbucks took it over. It means tea. Which is why I smile whenever I see a menu with Chai tea. I usually go for the coffee coffee.
So we went and she picked her favorite. The oolong maharaja (see what I mean?).
Here’s how you but it – not bagged.

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Then you steep in hot water and let it sit for a few minutes while you think about the incredible mark-up…kidding!

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Strain, add a bit of sweetness and done!

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It made the whole house smell amazing and my girl was happy. Totally worth the money.

Kitchen Caper

A few years ago we tweaked our kitchen. We weren’t ready to gut it but it needed a little freshening up. By “we” I mean the nice men we hired since my husband and I aren’t exactly DIY people. We’re more like, DEDIYP – Don’t Ever Do It Yourself People.

So we decided to keep it simple. Just painting the walls and the cabinets. No big deal. But then we decided we needed a new faucet for the sink. And how can you have a new faucet and not a new sink? And how can we do all that and not get new countertops? That’s just crazy. Then our contractor guy said,” hey, have you ever thought about wainscoting the island?” Uh. No. We hadn’t thought of that. We just wanted a paint job. When it was finished we were blown away. It looked so different to us. A NEW kitchen, we thought.

Kinda. Sorta.

I took before and after shots. Every good makeover needs a photo reveal. You know how some people have a music soundtrack for life in their head? I have a sitcom/make-over show in my head. Totally normal. No therapy needed here. But I really didn’t know what to do with the photos, so I stashed them away.  Last night I cleaned out my phone pics and found them.  Moral of the story – don’t ever delete any photos because 2 years from now you may start a blog and need proof of story.

Back to the chicken….I mean kitchen.

We went from the warm wood to the white cabinets (even though Dave, our DEDIYP guy, told me never to paint cabinets a stark white. I ignored him. I’ve been dreaming of white kitchen cabinets since Martha painted hers at Turkey Hill. You know who I’m talking about, don’t pretend you don’t).

So here is the reveal, a tale of two kitchens. Kitchen confidential. The kitchen has two faces. A kitchen story. Sorry.

Before….

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After

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We still have to do the  back splash. Maybe I’ll go crazy and do a turquoise ocean mural or something. Or maybe it’ll just be white.

The Lexi Life

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I asked my boy last night what I should write about on my blog

since I’ve promised to not slack off so much.

He said,”you should always write about Lexi.”

Then he spent the next 10 minutes going through all her amazing qualities:

She’s beautiful. She’s clean. She’s purrrrry. She’s his. Blah Blah Blah.

I asked him to go take a picture of his perfect cat.

And he did. And the picture is perfect too.

Now I’m annoyed.

And jealous. I think/know/am sure that he may love her more than me.

Look at her smug face. She knows it too.

And she’s accomplished something I thought could never happen.

I’ve written a cat post.

Send help.

Hair Apparent

It was the 80′s.

That’s my defense. I was so young, I didn’t know better. All the popular kids were doing it.  I was lured into it.

And by the way – where were all the parental figures in my life that could have saved me from this fate? Turns out, they were right next to me doing the same thing. Oh well. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – that’s what Kelly Clarkson told me. Anyway, it’s time to come clean now. To open up all my cobwebbed secrets and get them out of my head – or off my head.  It’s time you all know about my deepest, darkest time. Although back then I thought I was happy. I thought I was rockin’ life. I thought I was cool. Sigh. Don’t judge me, just learn from me.  I was addicted to my…

PERM.

Not a long, flowing ringlets perm. This was a short, tight, helmut head perm. And I loved it. I was 10 and delusional.

With all this Michelle Obama bang talk I started thinking about my hair through the years. I rocked my hair styles yo. Sadly, some of the those styles were hideous and scary in hindsight. But that’s normal right? Right?

Listen, I had dark black hair. I couldn’t bleach it or lemon it or turn it funky colors like my blond haired pals (I’m talking to you Kelly Jensen), the most drastic thing I could do was curl it. And boy did I.

Because I’ve been absent from writing for a bit I feel like I owe you all. Big time.

To you from me PinkyLee (any Grease fans out there?).  I added a recent picture of myself so you see that bad 80′s perms really do grow out and because I do not want that picture to be your lasting impression of me. Although it’ll take a while to shake the image from your mind’s eye. Trust me.

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Sorry the old photo is a mess, I had to dig it out of my drawer of shame.

Phew. Now I feel better. Now we are even. All debts are paid. In full.

Only Boring People Get Bored

Here’s a random list of all the things I’ve been doing/seeing/eating/buying/worrying about/disliking/loving/wanting in the last few weeks:

  • Every year, in prep for the Oscars, my husband and I try to see all the nominated movies (we’re crazy like that).  This year we’re almost there – minus his absolute resolve to NOT see Le Mis.  I saw it. I started crying during the first scene and haven’t stopped since. 
  • I’ve wanted a nutmeg grinder for a long time. Many a day I strolled into Williams Sonoma, coveted and then walked out. It’s not expensive. But then you start thinking about how much nutmeg you actually use in real life and how absurd it is to have a special little grinder for it – and then the $30 may as well be $3,000.  Long grinder story short – my secret santa gave me the damn grinder for Christmas. And I haven’t used it once. And I probably won’t touch it until next November. But I LOVE it and it makes me insanely happy. Insane being the key word. Picture below.
  • My sister-in-law hurt her leg and spent some quality time with us in the begining of January.  She was trapped on our couch with a giant bag of ice  and looking for a new show to watch – we asked if she had ever seen Breaking Bad – she hadn’t. You know what’s better than finding a good show to watch on Netflix? Watching a good show again with someone who hasn’t ever watched it. It’s like tv philanthropy.
  • Downton Abbey started again – oh happy day! Recent favorite Maggie Smith line, “Don’t mistake vulgarity for wit.” I vote for a Lady Grantham spin-off, who’s in?
  • I went formal dress shopping with my teenage daughter. This should be the name of a new horror movie. Just kiddin’…anyhoo.
  • Tried a new hummus recently. Bobbi’s Hummus. It’s basically 3 parts garlic to 1 part chickpea. Lots of lemon and freshly ground pepper. I love you Bobbi, and your heavy garlic hand.
  • I got a pedicure last week for the first time since hurting my foot – which is still a bit sore.  I went to my favorite nail place. Esther runs it. She’s a nice Korean woman who I’ve gotten to know well enough for her to tell me that her real name isn’t Esther and the other two girls aren’t Anna and Tina. Last summer her son came to work in the shop. We call him Tom but you get the point. Tom does all the pedicures. Just thought you should know.
  • I tried giving up bread for 2.5 seconds on Thursday, January 3rd. Epic fail.
  • Legos are the devil.
  • The end.

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I have a dream…

that I’ll start writing this blog again one day!!  What’s happened? Where is WMEP? Saving the world? Moving mountains? Not really. Just working and mothering and wife’ing. Time is on hyberdrive and I cannot keep up – are you all shaking your head in unison or shaking your head in revolt? Don’t tell me. Just hang in there. All 2 of you. The posts will be back soon. Really.

Run for Zee Hills!!!

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Do you know what this map is? All red and pink and orange and scary? It’s the flu epidemic spreading across the country. I feel my throat closing up as I look at it. Lock up your kids! Don’t open your doors! Wash your hands with bleach! Just kidding. Don’t do that. Last night I went to CVS and there was a line out the door for flu shots. I was there for printer paper.  Have you had your shot? Are you prepared for flu-mageddon? Did you buy stock in Purell? I don’t mean to make light of a very serious issue but I feel like we are being worked into a frenzy. Listen, I’ve seen my fair share of killer disease movies – the classic Outbreak with Dustin Hoffman and the monkey, Contagion with Gwyneth looking uber chic as she spread a virus across Asia- I know when I should be freaking out. Once I see military tanks roaming the streets to keep order and Will Smith is in town, I’ll panic.

By the way, from the look of the map, we all need to move to Idaho, Delaware or Maryland.

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