I ran out today to get a birthday card. I gave myself a full hour to do this because:
A) My priorities are messed up
B) The card store is next to the bagel store which is next to the liquor store. I’m efficient that way
C) I need to read at least 250 cards to pick the right one
D) all of the above
Then I turned and saw this
Then I began panicking about pumpkins and apple picking and costumes…oh god… the costumes
Then I got angry because it’s only September 4th damn it. It’s still 101 degrees. I’m still wearing flip flops.
Stop the madness, I thought!
And then I saw this
Happy F’ing New Year